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Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v.8

Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 8
Students who participate in international student exchange programs gain rich benefits. They return as more confident individuals with a wider perspective on life and international affairs. Needless to say many parents and teachers support these programs. In my opinion, international student exchange programs have more advantages than disadvantages. Student exchange programs force students to leave their comfort zone and explore a foreign territory totally unknown to them. This helps them discover their hidden talents and leadership qualities. They also learn to adapt to unfamiliar surroundings and living conditions. As a result, they become bolder and more confident. In countries like India, children are overly dependent on their parents. In fact, it is not uncommon for Indian parents to take decisions on their children’s behalf even after they turn adults. When these teens participate in exchange programs they learn to live on their own. Also, when students get to study in another country and mingle with students of another culture, their perspective on life broadens. They learn to tolerate differences. They also understand that the world is big enough to accommodate people of all faiths, customs and religions. This makes them better individuals. Cultural exchange is another benefit. When students live abroad as part of an exchange program, they learn to appreciate another culture. They also bring their culture with them. This allows their hosts to become familiar with their culture. Student exchange programs also improve the career prospects of the participants. Because of their broader perspective and their exposure to international communities, they are sought after by companies that operate in different parts of the world. To conclude, there are several benefits to participating in international student exchange programs. These programs boost the confidence levels of the participants and make them more tolerant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
gain rich benefits. They return as more confident individuals with a wider perspective on life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
affairs. Needless to say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents and teachers support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have more advantages than disadvantages.

Student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their comfort zone and explore a foreign territory
totally
unknown to them. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them discover their hidden talents and leadership qualities. They
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to adapt to unfamiliar surroundings and living conditions.
As a result
, they become bolder and more confident.

In countries like India, children are
overly
dependent on their parents. In fact, it is not uncommon for Indian parents to take decisions on their children’s behalf even after they turn adults.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
these teens participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Also
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to study in another country and mingle with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of another culture, their perspective on life broadens. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to tolerate differences. They
also
understand that the world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to accommodate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all faiths, customs and religions. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them better individuals.

Cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
is another benefit. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
abroad as part of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to appreciate another culture. They
also
bring their culture with them. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
their hosts to become familiar with their culture.

Student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the career prospects of the participants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their broader perspective and their exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
communities, they
are sought
after by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that operate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world.

To conclude
, there are several benefits to participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
boost the confidence levels of the participants and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more tolerant.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 8

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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