Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v.3

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 3
Some people believe that it could be more beneficial for juveniles who recently finished high school to spend not a quite number of years on doing a business before attending university. Might be susceptible to a few numbers of drawbacks, this would reward plenitude of benefits. There are definitely limited numbers of demerits for twelfth-grade students when they take a break from studying and find a career before entering college. For one thing, they might become a bit rusty when they arrive at college. In other words, it might cost them a trifling amount of effort to be on a roll again. Furthermore and as a matter of fact, the older they become, the more time they should spend on education. Consequently, the period of studying might become longer than it was expected. Despite the aforementioned minuses, this approach brings multiple pluses to lives of newly graduated students from high school. In the first place, as they need to choose the appropriate major to log in, it absolutely gives them a proper perspective on what is going on in the business world and which position could be more gainful or more appealing to them. For instance, from my personal experience, if I were as familiar with my profession's drawbacks as I am now, It would never ever be one of my choices. The second most valuable result of not being an inexperienced freshman is that they will have saved some money by the time they get into college. This might help them be under their own steam and also could be a step further to become independent from their parents. To sum up, to bring the education process to a temporary end after finishing high school and before starting university in order to do an interim trade, provides a multitude number of merits for students. They will not only become familiar with real, profitable job opportunities, but also could save some money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it could be more beneficial for juveniles who recently finished high school to spend not a quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of years on doing a business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending university.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Might
be susceptible to a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of drawbacks, this would reward plenitude of benefits.

There are definitely limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of demerits for twelfth-grade students when they take a break from studying and find a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering college. For one thing, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a bit rusty when they arrive at college.
In other words
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cost them a trifling amount of effort to be on a roll again.
Furthermore
and as a matter of fact, the older they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
, the more time they should spend on education.
Consequently
, the period of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
longer than it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

Despite the aforementioned minuses, this approach brings multiple pluses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
newly
graduated students from high school. In the
first
place, as they need to choose the appropriate major to log in, it
absolutely
gives them a proper perspective on what is going on in the business world and which position could be more gainful or more appealing to them.
For instance
, from my personal experience, if I were as familiar with my profession's drawbacks as I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, It would never ever be one of my choices. The second most valuable result of not being an inexperienced freshman is that they will have saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money by the time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into college. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be under their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
steam and
also
could be a step
further
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their parents.

To sum up, to bring the education process to a temporary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
after finishing high school and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting university in order to do an interim trade, provides a multitude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of merits for students. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with real, profitable job opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
could save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts