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Some students try to combine part-time work and study, while others prefer to study only an d work later once their courses are finished. Which do you prefer? v.1

Some students try to combine part-time work and study, while others prefer to study only an d work later once their courses are finished. Which do you prefer? v. 1
It is considered that increasing the price of petrol is one of the most important ways to curb escalating traffic and pollution problems. However, in my opinion, I completely believe that using other sustainable sources of energy like solar, wind and hydro will immensely help to tackle such issues. On the one hand, there are people who think that increasing the price of petrol will reduce its use and, thus, decrease rising traffic congestions and pollutions. However, in spite of increased petrol price people will continue to use it as there are no other viable options available to run vehicles. Hence, it will not bring much change in solving growing traffic issues and pollutions. In fact, due to the increase in the petrol price cost of goods may increase because of an increase in transportation costs, creating detrimental effects on the economy. On the other hand, if more sustainable energy like solar power, wind power, and hydro power are utilised to run vehicles and factories, there will be less emission of harmful gases like carbon mono oxide and CFC which contributes increasing air pollution considerably. In addition, using solar power to run public vehicles would result in the cheap fare. This will encourage people to travel through eco-friendly cheap trams, trains and buses. To conclude, increasing the price of petrol is not the best way to resolve the growing traffic congestions and pollutions. Thus, an effective way to control the aforementioned issues would be to use other renewable sources of energy in the public transport system which can significantly bring down traffic and pollution problems.
It
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ways to curb escalating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
problems.
However
, in my opinion, I completely believe that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sustainable sources of energy like solar, wind and hydro will
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to tackle such issues.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and,
thus
, decrease rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it as there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
viable options available to run vehicles.
Hence
, it will not bring much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in solving growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
. In fact, due to the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
cost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
may increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an increase in transportation costs, creating detrimental effects on the economy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if more sustainable energy like solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
, wind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
, and hydro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to run vehicles and factories, there will be less emission of harmful gases like carbon mono oxide and CFC which contributes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
considerably
.
In addition
, using solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
to run public vehicles would result in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
fare. This will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel through eco-friendly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
trams, trains and buses.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
is not the best way to resolve the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
.
Thus
, an effective way to control the aforementioned issues would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
renewable sources of energy in the public transport system which can
significantly
bring down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students try to combine part-time work and study, while others prefer to study only an d work later once their courses are finished. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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