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In order to study effectively, it requires comfort, peace and time. So it is impossible for a student to combine learning and employment at the same time because one distracts the other. Is it realistic to combine them at the same time? Support your opinion with examples. v.1

In order to study effectively, it requires comfort, peace and time. So it is impossible for a student to combine learning and employment at the same time because one distracts the other. Is it realistic to combine them at the same time? Support your opinion with examples. v. 1
Although such topics, in all likelihood, never will yield a consensual agreement. A constructive dialogue on - distractions such as employment may affect a person's learning process - can lead to thought-provoking discussions. My view is that irrespective of the numerous arguments that exist on either side, in this essay I'm explaining why I agree with the above statement. Employment is some sort of work committed to a company. This is because when the company is paying salary for the work assigned to him, and hence not possible to say an excuse. For example, a person has to work eight hours a day when he is employed. Therefore, the aforementioned discussion shows that the person will get only 16 hours in his learning and daily rest. Another pivotal aspect of the argument is that due to the employment work pressure it is not possible to concentrate on learning once person left his work for that day. Because an eight hour work can make him tired. For instance, once the eight hour work is completed, he needs to take rest for at least an eight hours within the next 16 hours to compensate his mental stress. This gives only the remaining eight hours for his studies, and it creates a very tight schedule between the work and sleep. In conclusion, this essay discussed the reason why only less than 8 hours is available for studies while a person is doing an employment. The equally potential evidence to support the arguments I have provided, underlines my opinion.
Although such topics, in all likelihood,
The adverb 'never' is usually put between 'will' and 'yield'.
never will yield
a consensual agreement. A constructive dialogue on
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
distractions such as employment may affect a person's learning process
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking discussions. My view is that irrespective of the numerous arguments that exist on either side, in this essay I'm explaining why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement.

Employment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
committed to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is paying salary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
assigned to him, and
hence
not possible to say an excuse.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day when he
is employed
.
Therefore
, the aforementioned discussion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in his learning and daily rest.

Another pivotal aspect of the argument is that due to the employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure it is not possible to concentrate on learning once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for that day.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
an eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him tired.
For instance
, once the eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is completed
, he needs to take rest for at least
Did you mean "and"?
an
eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
within the
next
16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to compensate his mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the remaining eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for his studies, and it creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tight schedule between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and sleep.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less than 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is available for studies while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is doing an employment. The
equally
potential evidence to support the arguments I have provided, underlines my opinion.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In order to study effectively, it requires comfort, peace and time. So it is impossible for a student to combine learning and employment at the same time because one distracts the other. Is it realistic to combine them at the same time? Support your opinion with examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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