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28. Some students like to buy all their own books and keep them after theircourses are finished. Others prefer to borrow course books and return themonce the course is finished. Which do you prefer? v.1

28. Some students like to buy all their own books and keep them after theircourses are finished. Others prefer to borrow course books and return themonce the course is finished. Which do you prefer? v. 1
Some people argue that strict rules should be released to control loud noise, while others believe they can make as much noise as they want. Much as I am in favour of the former idea, I still take both arguments into consideration in this essay. On the one hand, people like to create noise for various reasons. Firstly, there are individuals who feel more comfortable and relaxing by making noise while working or entertaining. For example, turning the volume louder to immerse in music makes them feel relaxed after a busy day at work, even though it may bother their neighbours. Secondly, some people consider noise to be inevitable as it is a part of the industrialisation and modernisation process. Traffic noise or engine noise seems to have become familiar to citizens, which is the reason why they have no particular reasons to control noise. On the other hand, I suppose that it will be more beneficial to apply strict rules over noise. The first reason is that noise poses bad impacts on people’s health. To illustrate, that a lot of people can not sleep a wink at night due to intrusive sounds from nearby industrial zones is prevalent these days. If this trend continues, it will definitely lead to a deterioration in both physical and mental health. In addition, noise can result in the reduction of work efficiency. A lot of white-collar workers complain that they are unable to pay attention to their work as a consequence of constant noise from vehicles on the streets. In conclusion, I believe that noise should be limited for a better life, even though numerous people insist on making a lot of noise without any considerations for others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
should
be released
to control loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
, while others believe they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want. Much as I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I
still
take both arguments into consideration in this essay.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Firstly
, there are individuals who feel more comfortable and relaxing by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
while working or entertaining.
For example
, turning the volume louder to immerse in music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel relaxed after a busy day at work,
even though
it may bother their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
to be inevitable as it is a part of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
process. Traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
or engine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
seems to have become familiar to citizens, which is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why they have no particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to control noise.

On the other hand
, I suppose that it will be more beneficial to apply strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
poses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. To illustrate, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not sleep a wink at night due to intrusive sounds from nearby industrial zones is prevalent these days. If this trend continues, it will definitely lead to a deterioration in both physical and mental health.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
can result in the reduction of work efficiency.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
white-collar workers complain that they are unable to pay attention to their work as a consequence of constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from vehicles on the streets.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should
be limited
for a better life,
even though
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist on making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
without any considerations for others.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay 28. Some students like to buy all their own books and keep them after theircourses are finished. Others prefer to borrow course books and return themonce the course is finished. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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