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Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share their rooms with their roommates. Which way of living do you think is better for students and why? v.2

Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share their rooms with their roommates. Which way of living do you think is better for students and why? v. 2
It is often argued that every college student should opt for subjects that they are passionate about while others think that they should only focus on subjects that will benefit them in the long run like those related to the sciences. Although studying science related subjects leads to fulfilment later in life, these subjects are not meant for everyone and students do much better in subjects that they are talented in and therefore I agree with the former view. When university pupils select fields related to science as a study option, they are often well-settled as adults. This results in students to usually find employment in high paying jobs after graduation. Despite this, scientific and technical areas of study are not everybody’s cup of tea. India is a prime example, where 80% of students in 50 major varsities across the country struggle to find decent jobs in engineering and allied fields. On the other hand, college pupils often perform better if they are given freedom to study subjects of their desire. They more often than not give their best performance during exams. These students frequently find employment in reputed firms later on and that is why this essay agrees that students in universities should be given the option to go for subjects that are parallel with their inborn talent. For instance, pupils from the 70 best art colleges in Bombay often work as renowned actors or actresses for India’s multi-billion dollar Hindi film industry. In conclusion, even though technology related subjects lead to a prosperous life, these domains do not match every student’s true passion many of whom succeed in subjects of their own choosing.
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
argued that every college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they are passionate about while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that will benefit them in the long run like those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to the sciences. Although studying science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
leads to
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
later in life, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are not meant for everyone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do much better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they
are talented
in and
therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view.

When university pupils select fields
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to science as a study option, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
well-settled as adults. This results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
usually
find employment in high paying jobs after graduation. Despite this, scientific and technical areas of study are not everybody’s cup of tea. India is a prime example, where 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 50 major varsities across the country struggle to find decent jobs in engineering and allied fields.

On the other hand
, college pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
perform better if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their desire. They more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
than not give their best performance during exams. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
frequently
find employment in reputed firms later on and
that is
why this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in universities should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the option to go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are parallel with their inborn talent.
For instance
, pupils from the 70 best art colleges in Bombay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
work as renowned actors or actresses for India’s multi-billion dollar Hindi film industry.

In conclusion
,
even though
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
lead to a prosperous life, these domains do not match every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
true passion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of whom succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choosing.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share their rooms with their roommates. Which way of living do you think is better for students and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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