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The two rendered maps exhibit the pre construction and post construction images for Paradise Island v.1

The two rendered maps exhibit the pre construction and post construction images for Paradise Island v. 1
There is a boost in entrepreneurs due to the revolution in the technology. Thus, the businesses are effortlessly possible around the world. Therefore more employments are available to meet the public demands. This essay will strongly concur with the above notion and discuss how the numerous advantages are helpful for individual as well as the government. From individual and authority perspective, the prime benefits of opening new multinational companies are that it will provide access for everybody to apply and get hired. Hence, one can earn money from any part of the world especially from foreign countries. This will increase their income and completely support their family financially. And This is how the jobless situation of the impoverished territories. As a result, the nation’s economy will rise too. This is how it is mainly beneficial for each. For example, Business data of the UK shown that new multinational companies have filled 70 % vacancies. From the territory perspective, The spread of multinational business can make globe aware of different culture and increases the respect for other customs. This will create a positive environment in the world for people to live without any discrimination in between. As a result, possible to see the unit in the globe. For instance, recent studies of the India revealed that 50% countries are becoming multicultural due to the new business development. However, there are possibilities of vanishing the ancient customs and rituals which our next generation will not be aware of and unable to recognise where they belong. In conclusion, New business opportunity indeed helps people to fill the employment vacancies and make almost everyone capable to support. If each person takes this as a better opportunity then surely this will be a big change for everyone around the globe.
There is a boost in entrepreneurs due to the revolution in the technology.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are
effortlessly
possible around the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
more employments are available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the public demands. This essay will
strongly
concur with the above notion and discuss how the numerous advantages are helpful for individual
as well
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

From individual and authority perspective, the prime benefits of opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are that it will provide access for everybody to apply and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hired.
Hence
, one can earn money from any part of the world
especially
from foreign countries. This will increase their income and completely support their family
financially
. And This is how the jobless situation of the impoverished territories.
As a result
, the nation’s economy will rise too. This is how it is
mainly
beneficial for each.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
data of the UK shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have filled 70 % vacancies.

From the territory perspective, The spread of multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
globe aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and increases the respect for other customs. This will create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment in the world for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without any discrimination in between.
As a result
, possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the unit in the globe.
For instance
, recent studies of the India revealed that 50% countries are becoming multicultural due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
development.

However
, there are possibilities of vanishing the ancient customs and rituals which our
next
generation will not be aware of and unable to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
where they belong.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
opportunity
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to fill the employment vacancies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
almost everyone capable to support. If each person takes this as a better opportunity then
surely
this will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for everyone around the globe.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The two rendered maps exhibit the pre construction and post construction images for Paradise Island v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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