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some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.1

some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1
For students, A gap in the study may have both pros and cons for their whole lives. Some students take this risk and some are not between finishing school and going to university. I think the advantages is outweighed on disadvantages. Firstly, in the age of complete the school, most students are not enough mature to take the decision of their lives and they are just doing what their parents and relatives told them. Whether they are interested in it or not. Therefore, many times they ruin their entire life. Apart from this, Those who take the year off after school have a lot of time to decide what is their strongest zone and what is more likely to do for the rest of their life which makes them satisfied. Furthermore, They introspect itself and think about the solution of their question which helps them to select a right direction for their lives. Also, these break time they use for the preparation for the other competitive exams too. At that time, They meet their relatives who have already in these fields and pass through this. And take the suggestion of various fields too. Moreover, In this one year off they explore their hobbies and also go for the one your courses or internship in the company, which will help them to great impact on their resume in the positive ways for their future jobs. Besides of all that advantages some disadvantages are too. Children are getting bored after the take off for one year from their studies. this takes so much time to start the all over again. additionally, some immature students saw their friends, which are doing great in their college without taking a gap off after the school. Therefore, They take a wrong decision from peer and parents pressure and suicide itself. Which is very ridiculous according to everyone. To conclude, some students take one year off between school and university which I thought a great decision to explore a valuable time for themselves. I totally agree with it.
For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, A gap in the study may have both pros and cons for their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are not between finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and going to university. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages
is outweighed
on disadvantages.

Firstly
, in the age of complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
mature to take the decision of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
doing what their parents and relatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them. Whether they
are interested
in it or not.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
they ruin their entire life. Apart from this, Those who take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to decide what is their strongest zone and
what is more
likely to do for the rest of their life which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them satisfied.
Furthermore
, They introspect itself and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the solution of their question which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to select a right direction for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Also
, these break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the preparation for the other competitive exams too.

At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their relatives who have already in these fields and pass through this. And take the suggestion of various fields too.
Moreover
, In this one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
they explore their hobbies and
also
go for the one your courses or internship in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to great impact on their resume in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways for their future jobs.

Besides
of all that advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages are too. Children are getting bored after the take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
from their studies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the all over again.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
their friends, which are doing great in their college without taking a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, They take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision from peer and parents pressure and suicide itself.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ridiculous according to everyone.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and university which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
a great decision to explore a valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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