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Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university in order to travel or to work Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v.2

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university in order to travel or to work Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
It is true that these days many highschool leavers choose to work or take a trip before enroll for higher education. While a gap year can have some drawbacks, I would argue that the benefits it brings are more significant. On the one hand, taking one year break can adversely affect individuals' further study for some reasons. The first reason is that students who decide to start a job after highschool can lose their will to continue their studies. If young people already have a job, they do not feel the urge to enroll for university due to the stable income. The second reason is that gap-year takers might face problems with imparting knowledge later on. Because after a year without approaching to theoretical knowledge, students will have a hard time absorbing new and harder knowledge and catching up with their peers. On the other hand, a year between highschool and university can have some positive effects. Firstly, young people will gain practical experience if they spend a year working. Having a job is a great opportunity for the youth to develop new skills such as teamwork or dealing with challenging problems and also gaining hand-on experience, which can be helpful for their studies in the future. For example, many individuals choose to start internship in big hotels before applying for hospitality management in university. Secondly, traveling can opens people minds and is a great way to relax before enroll for higher education. Highschool leavers are still young so meeting new people and having new experience will change their ways of viewing the world. Furthermore, traveling is a great stress reliever, therefore, students who take a trip can acquire new knowledge more effectively in comparison with those who continuing their studies immediately. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of a gap year outweigh its drawbacks.
It is true that these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
leavers choose to work or take a trip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enroll for higher education. While a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, I would argue that the benefits it brings are more significant.

On the one hand, taking one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
break can
adversely
affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
individuals&
#039;
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. The
first
reason is that students who decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a job after
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
can lose their will to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. If young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
already have a job, they do not feel the urge to enroll for university due to the stable income. The second reason is that gap-year takers might face problems with imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
later on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
without approaching to theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, students will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time absorbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and harder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and catching up with their peers.

On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
between
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
and university can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain practical experience if they spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
working. Having a job is a great opportunity for the youth to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork or dealing with challenging problems and
also
gaining hand-on experience, which can be helpful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in the future.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
internship in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hotels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying for hospitality management in university.
Secondly
, traveling can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "open"
opens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
minds
and is a great way to relax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enroll for higher education.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Highschool
leavers are
still
young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their ways of viewing the world.
Furthermore
, traveling is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever,
therefore
, students who take a trip can acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
more
effectively
in comparison
with those who continuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
immediately.

In conclusion
, I believe that the benefits of a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
outweigh its drawbacks.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university in order to travel or to work Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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