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Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
Nowadays, some high schools leavers tend to go on a trip or be a worker for a year before going to university. The following essay will clarify both sides of the coin, and demonstrate my view that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, it is undeniable that both traveling and working provide a wide range of benefits for students to reap. First and foremost is that since today’s labor market needs skillful workers more than before, working as an apprentice for a year in gap year can be a competitive advantage compared to others. Google, For instance, has recently announced that it tends to hire employees who worked as an apprentice before. Besides, a gap year provides more leisure time. Not only does it give students a chance to get rid of their mental conflicts, but it also helps them to focus on what really they want to be in the future. As a result, they are easily able to deal with one of the most complicated dilemmas in their life, studying at a university or becoming a blue-collar worker. On the other hand, although a gap year has lots of advantages, students may encounter a few problematic situations. Firstly, as students are not experienced, they may be susceptible to exploit in an exhausting job or run into potential troubles on their trips. Secondly, according to the forgetting rate, a gap year has a negative effect on students’ memory. Therefore, they lag behind their peers unless they receive more pressure for becoming familiar with the knowledge at school again. To conclude, according to the mentioned reasons, I am convinced that the advantages of having a gap year outweigh its disadvantages.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high schools leavers tend to go on a trip or be a worker for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to university. The following essay will clarify both sides of the coin, and demonstrate my view that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that both traveling and working provide a wide range of benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to reap.
First
and foremost is that since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s labor market needs skillful workers more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, working as an apprentice for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
can be a competitive advantage compared to others. Google,
For instance
, has recently announced that it tends to hire employees who worked as an apprentice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Besides
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
provides more leisure time. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their mental conflicts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to focus on what
really
they want to be in the future.
As a result
, they are
easily
able to deal with one of the most complicated dilemmas in their life, studying at a university or becoming a blue-collar worker.

On the other hand
, although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
has lots of advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may encounter a few problematic situations.
Firstly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not experienced, they may be susceptible to exploit in an exhausting job or run into potential troubles on their trips.
Secondly
, according to the forgetting rate, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
memory.
Therefore
, they lag behind their peers unless they receive more pressure for becoming familiar with the knowledge at school again.

To conclude
, according to the mentioned reasons, I
am convinced
that the advantages of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
outweigh its disadvantages.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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