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Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Some students take a rest for one year and do the work or journey before they matriculate due to some merits, whereas others do not do so because of some demerits. I would argue that the advantages of the gap year to do work or travel overweigh its disadvantages. On the negative side, one gap year of entering universities has some disadvantages. To begin with, the delaying matriculation for one year leads one year lateness for graduation, and it affects student’s job haunting badly. For example, in Japan, the almost all students graduate from their universities when they are 22 years old, and then they start working for companies in the same age. Thus, if students have one gap year to do work or something, they have to begin their job hunting when they are 23 years old, and they unfortunately are likely to have difficulty in getting their own jobs. On the positive side, this rest time for one year between a high school and university to do travel or work has advantages over disadvantages. First of all, one significant merit to do so is that students can understand their curiosities and necessary skills for a job. For instance, if they have an internship for a year, they can know about required skills for the job and they are able to take appropriate courses to get needed skill sets for their ideal work. For another example, if students take trip for one year, they possibly understand what they really want to do in their future in the way of the travel. In conclusion, I personally find that the benefits of a gap year before entering universities is outweighed by its drawbacks. One year delay to matriculate may affect their success in their job huntings negatively. However, a gap year lets students understand their interest and this leads them to get appropriate jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take a rest for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or journey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they matriculate due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, whereas others do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits. I would argue that the advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
its disadvantages.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the delaying matriculation for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
leads one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
lateness for graduation, and it affects
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student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
haunting
badly
.
For example
, in Japan, the almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graduate from their
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universities
when they are 22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, and then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the same age.
Thus
, if
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students
have one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or something, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their
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job
hunting when they are 23 years
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old
, and they unfortunately are likely to have difficulty in getting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
jobs.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, this rest time for one
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year
between a high school and
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university
to do travel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has advantages over disadvantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one significant merit to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can understand their curiosities and necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
, if they have an internship for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, they can know about required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they are able to take appropriate courses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets for their ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. For another example, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take trip for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, they
possibly
understand what they
really
want to do in their future in the way of the travel.

In conclusion
, I
personally
find that the benefits of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
is outweighed
by its drawbacks. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
delay to matriculate may affect their success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible spelling mistake found.
huntings
negatively
.
However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand their interest and this leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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