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Some students save their textbooks. Others sell them back to the school’sbookstore. Which would you do? v.1

Some students save their textbooks. Others sell them back to the school’sbookstore. Which would you do? v. 1
Some of are the opinion that high school students should have free community services as a mandatory program in their curriculum. In my opinion, community services play a very important part in the development of the children as individuals as well as a team. However, education should be the top priority and any activity hindering it should not be practised upon them. I believe, children today should have compulsory community service as a part of their education. The reason is, with the onset of mobile phones and social networking sites such as Facebook in particular, there has been a steady increase in virtual friends and at the same time, lesser and lesser children are participating actively in their own local community events. This result in children being disconnected from their own local community. By having mandatory community service for students, we are enabling them to form a close bond with their own locality and at the same time, bring young energy into the streets. However, we must keep in mind, education should be the top most priority and it should not be affected by active participation in the community services. Students, say for example, should not be made to sacrifice their study time to participate in these activities and furthermore, a mentor should always be present during the service hours to keep a close watch on the activities being performed to ensure that the students are learning something of value and not idling away their time. In conclusion, community service is a great way to involve students into the real world and teach them to make a contribution to their community. At the same time, it should be ensured that the studies are, in no way, affected by these activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of are the opinion that high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as a mandatory program in their curriculum. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as individuals
as well
as a team.
However
, education should be the top priority and any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
hindering it should not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
upon them.

I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
should have compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
as a part of their education. The reason is, with the onset of mobile phones and social networking sites such as Facebook
in particular
, there has been a steady increase in virtual friends and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, lesser and lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are participating
actively
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being disconnected
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. By having mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, we are enabling them to form a close bond with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
locality and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, bring young energy into the streets.

However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind, education should be the top most priority and it should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by active participation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
, say
for example
, should not
be made
to sacrifice their study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
furthermore
, a mentor should always be present during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a close
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
being performed
to ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are learning something of value and not idling away their time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is a great way to involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into the real world and teach them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it should
be ensured
that the studies are, in no way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students save their textbooks. Others sell them back to the school’sbookstore. Which would you do? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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