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SOme students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh this disadvantages? v.2

SOme students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh this disadvantages? v. 2
There has been an accelerated tendency among school learners opt for a gap year before entering to the higher education. While there are several reasons for this, I think it would be better to attend university immediately after high school. Obviously, the option to acquire an education later in life is reasonable in certain cases. It is indeed the case that a gap year might provide valuable time for one to discover their potential. A part-time job during this stage, therefore, might be helpful later when a person needs to decide on an academic pathway that best suits their abilities and interests. Apart from this, the invaluable experiences and knowledge one can gain from a gap year are other feasible reasons. A friend of mine decided to travel to different parts of Vietnam before entering university, thus helping him to develop the knowledge relevant to his future career as a cultural expert. Despite these reasons, in my view, the drawbacks involved in taking a gap year surpass its benefits. Firstly, this is particularly the case for students who have a huge desirable for leaving but not coming back. For the vast majority of people who already got into the habit of spending money earned from their jobs through out the gap year, university life could become less attractive than working life. Secondly, a year out might be spent as a year off, particularly when high school leavers have little experience in time management. As a matter of fact, some of these peple tend to spend part of their time on unhealthy hobbies such as video games instead of usefull activities. In conclusion, I strongly argue that the negative aspects associated with taking a gap year that far beyond the potential impacts.
There has been an accelerated tendency among school learners opt for a
gap
year
before
entering to the higher education. While there are several reasons for this, I
think
it would be better to attend university immediately after high school.

Obviously
, the option to acquire an education later in life is reasonable in certain cases. It is
indeed
the case that a
gap
year
might provide valuable time for one to discover their potential. A part-time job during this stage,
therefore
, might be helpful later when a person needs to decide on an academic pathway that best suits their abilities and interests. Apart from this, the invaluable experiences and knowledge one can gain from a
gap
year
are other feasible reasons. A friend of mine decided to travel to
different
parts of Vietnam
before
entering university,
thus
helping him to develop the knowledge relevant to his future career as a cultural expert.

Despite these reasons, in my view, the drawbacks involved in taking a
gap
year
surpass its benefits.
Firstly
, this is
particularly
the case for students who have a huge desirable for leaving
but
not coming back. For the vast majority of
people
who already
got
into the habit of spending money earned from their jobs
through out
the
gap
year
, university life could become less attractive than working life.
Secondly
, a
year
out might
be spent
as a
year
off,
particularly
when high
school leavers
have
little
experience in time management. As a matter of fact,
some
of these
peple
tend to spend part of their time on unhealthy hobbies such as video games
instead
of
usefull
activities.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
argue that the
negative
aspects associated with taking a
gap
year
that far beyond the potential impacts.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay SOme students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh this disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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