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Some people say that only the way to reduce the crime rate is to make the prison sentence longer. To what extant do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that only the way to reduce the crime rate is to make the prison sentence longer. To what extant v. 1
It is believed by some that lengthier prison time is the only way to control criminal activities. While I belive that this step would help to lower crime rate, I feel that it is not only solution available. On the one hand, I accept longer incarceration can serve to deter potential law breakers by instilling fear in their minds. To explain, most criminals being impulsive by nature are strongly deterred by the stringent and disciplined conditions of prisons. Spending a long time provides an opportunity for the prison service to rehabilitate a prisoner. For example, someone who has committed a serious offence such as assault will need a long time in order to be sure he can be re-educated and not to re offend. Such a step could be particularly effective as they would know that the price to pay is extremely heavy and hence would think twice before acting. On the other hand, I believe that other than long term punishment, moral education can also help bring down crime rates in the long run too. Students, from young age should be inculcated with the correct moral values, like honesty is the best policy. Parents, while busy striving in their career should take out some time to shower care and concern to thier children, for it is sometimes the lack of parental love that cause the child to go astray and commit crimes. Additionally, improving the financial state of people could do wonders, as it is the pecuniary conditions that often motivate crime. As a result, government can work to sort out employment scenario and to rein in the rising inflation In conclusion, although increasing the span of jail sentence could be an effective measure, educational and financial reforms can also be used as potent tools to tackle this issue.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that lengthier prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to control criminal activities. While
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that this step would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate, I feel that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution available.

On the one hand, I accept longer incarceration can serve to deter potential law breakers by instilling fear in their minds. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, most criminals being impulsive by nature are
strongly
deterred by the stringent and disciplined conditions of prisons. Spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
provides an opportunity for the prison service to rehabilitate a prisoner.
For example
, someone who has committed a serious
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
such as assault will need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to be sure he can be re-educated and not to re offend. Such a step could be
particularly
effective as they would know that the price to pay is
extremely
heavy and
hence
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
acting.

On the other hand
, I believe that other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term punishment, moral education can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
bring down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
run too. Students, from young age should
be inculcated
with the correct moral values, like honesty is the best policy. Parents, while busy striving in their career should take out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to shower care and concern to
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
children, for it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the lack of parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
that cause the child to go astray and commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Additionally
, improving the financial state of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could do wonders, as it is the pecuniary conditions that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can work to sort out employment scenario and to rein in the rising
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
inflation


In conclusion
, although increasing the span of jail sentence could be an effective measure, educational and financial reforms can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as potent tools to tackle this issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people say that only the way to reduce the crime rate is to make the prison sentence longer. To what extant v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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