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In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v.2

In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 2
One of the most conspicuous trends among today's pupils is taking a year off for travel or job before commencing the tertiary education. This is a phenomenon which leads to both problems and advantages. In my opinion, a year break for the students has both positive and negative effects. This essay will discuss the influence of a year gap on the teenagers and will lead to a reasoned conclusion. A deluge of merits can back this stance to take the break. The most preponderant is that students can alleviate their stress during the holiday period. For instance, students after studying for a long period, get a break to relax psychologically and physically. In addition to this, this would be the opportunity for them to travel outside the country, learn foreign culture and current market trends. So meanwhile they develop maturity and possess an enthusiasm for the university education. Hence it is apparent why students need a vacation before joining the university. On the contrary, many students get deviated from their studies and feel difficult to start the academic education after having a long break. Some of the teenagers get attracted to the lavish lifestyles and prefer to adopt obnoxious habits. Needless, to say all these demerits have a far-reaching impact on the students. In view of the arguments outlined above, we can conclude that the potential drawbacks of having a break after secondary education are too dire to ignore despite some merits. Hence, the parents and the students have to consider the consequences before deciding to a year break from studies between their school and university education.
One of the most conspicuous trends among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's pupils is taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off for travel or job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commencing the tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This is a phenomenon which leads to both problems and advantages. In my opinion, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. This essay will discuss the influence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and will lead to a reasoned conclusion.

A deluge of merits can back this stance to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
. The most preponderant is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can alleviate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
during the holiday period.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after studying for a long period,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
to relax
psychologically
and
physically
.
In addition
to this, this would be the opportunity for them to travel outside the country, learn foreign culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market trends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
meanwhile they develop maturity and possess an enthusiasm for the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is apparent why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need a vacation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the university.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deviated from their studies and feel difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
after having a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to the lavish lifestyles and prefer to adopt obnoxious habits. Needless, to say all these demerits have a far-reaching impact on the students.

In view of the arguments outlined above, we can conclude that the potential drawbacks of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits.
Hence
, the parents and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider the consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from studies between their school and university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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