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In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v.4

In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 4
Some people are in favour of students taking a gap year before university, while others believe such a break in education is disruptive.   I believe that while there are arguments in favour of both views, that students benefit more from continuing their education straight from secondary to tertiary level. On one side of the argument, a gap year provides opportunities for work experience, personal development and a period of relaxation away from the stresses of full-time education.   High-school students are subjected to enormous pressure to achieve high grades, particularly in Asia, meaning that leisure time is practically non-existent and young people have little chance to indulge in hobbies or recreational activities  After-school classes, summer schools and exam preparation courses also prevent many high-school students from engaging in sports which can develop teamwork and leadership skills, or from travel which allows them to gain cultural awareness and to develop as individuals.   A gap year would provide just such opportunities. Furthermore, work experience either in paid employment or in a voluntary capacity would give students practical skills, a sound work ethic and an appreciation of the value of money they have earned themselves.   Such experiences help students to become more rounded individuals, enhance their CVs when they apply for scholarships or work after graduation and provide employers with valuable insight into an individual’s aptitude, personality and ambitions. On the other side of the argument, many students returning from a break in academic study find it very difficult to adjust to university life, give up their ideas of a higher education altogether, or waste their gap year in worthless activities.   Starting a university course after a year’s break is difficult.   Gap-year students are a year behind their high-school friends and have forgotten many of the lessons learned in school, or indeed, how to study at all. Many also miss the income from unskilled gap-year jobs and decide that they would rather have money now than wait for a better salary later, prompting some to abandon their scholarly ambitions altogether.   In the Philippines, for example, some students are enticed into non-skilled jobs with attractive salaries, forgetting that what they can earn after graduation will, in the long run, provide far better financial security. There are also many high school students who start a gap-year with good intentions, but fail to find work or a worthwhile activity and end up wasting their time – something they find hard to explain to future employers. In conclusion, while some students may profit from taking a gap year, I am convinced that for the majority of students a year’s break is detrimental to both their educational progress and their final careers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
university, while others believe such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is disruptive.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I believe that while there are arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of both views, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
benefit more from continuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
straight from secondary to tertiary level.

On one side of the argument, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience, personal development and a period of relaxation away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
of full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
High-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are subjected
to enormous pressure to achieve high grades,
particularly
in Asia, meaning that leisure time is
practically
non-existent and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance to indulge in hobbies or recreational activities
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
After-school classes, summer schools and exam preparation courses
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from engaging in sports which can develop teamwork and leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, or from travel which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to gain cultural awareness and to develop as individuals.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
such opportunities.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience either in paid employment or in a voluntary capacity would give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, a sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ethic and an appreciation of the value of money they have earned themselves.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Such experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to become more rounded individuals, enhance their
Possible spelling mistake found.
CVs
when they apply for scholarships or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after graduation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
employers with valuable insight into an individual’s aptitude, personality and ambitions.

On the other side of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
returning from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
in academic study find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to adjust to university life, give up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
altogether, or waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in worthless activities.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Starting a university course after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
is difficult.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Gap-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
behind their high-school friends and have forgotten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the lessons learned in school, or
indeed
, how to study at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
also
miss the income from unskilled gap-year jobs and decide that they would
rather
have money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than wait for a better salary later, prompting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to abandon their
scholarly
ambitions altogether.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In the Philippines,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are enticed
into non-skilled jobs with attractive salaries, forgetting that what they can earn after graduation will, in the long run,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
far better financial security. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a gap-year with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
intentions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fail to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or a worthwhile activity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up wasting their time
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
something they find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to future employers.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may profit from taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, I
am convinced
that for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
is detrimental to both their educational progress and their final careers.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
450 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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