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With the development of technology and science some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot Why should we encourage the art area v.1

With the development of technology and science some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot Why should we encourage the art area v. 1
It is true that science and technology, nowadays, have benefitted the whole world in all aspects. Albeit it is undoubted that various technological and scientific developments have tremedously enhanced our lifestyle, but i firmly believe that art, cultural and traditions still play an essential roles in out lives. There are so many things that artists can teach us in the field that scientists have failed to. To begin with, there are concepts such as feelings, emotions and inspiration that comes from arts, whereas science and technology cannot offer them due to its focus on practicality. For example, an audience can indirectly experience and have a feeling of melody from listening to bethoven' s pieces which was composed while he was suffering from unfortunate events. In contrast, science cannot offer this because it is unable to deliver such feeling. Additionally, a piece of abstract art has no meaning in science but has great stories to tell when we consider it an art. In the world of arts, beauty matter in and of themselves whereas in science, the only true measure is whether it works or not. Arts offer us a spritual look of life while scientist teaches us just an opposite. Since the arts brings a lot of benefits to us so I argue that it must and should be encouraged to some extents. Enjoying arts promotes the habit of self-reflection. If you walk into the art gallery, attend to a concert or even just stay to read a book, you almost certainly begin to think about your inner value. For me, this is an invaluable lesson in life because if we begin to reflect about ourselves, we begin not to just become more human, but also consider the lies of other too. Moreover, creative people can boost us emotionally and change our feeling. For example, a lot of Mozart' s fans would love to listen to his music pieces because they feel relieves and motivated, so music can controls our emotions and switch them in a positive ways. In conclusion, there is no denying the fact that science and technology have great value in our life, but in term of arts, it can teaches us many aspects of life that the former cannot
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology, nowadays, have
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
the whole world in all aspects. Albeit it
is undoubted
that various technological and scientific developments have
Possible spelling mistake found.
tremedously
enhanced our lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, cultural and traditions
still
play an essential roles in out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that artists can teach us in the field that scientists have failed to. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
begin
with, there are concepts such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
, emotions and inspiration that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology cannot offer them due to its focus on practicality.
For example
, an audience can
indirectly
experience and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of melody from listening to
Possible spelling mistake found.
bethoven&
#039; s pieces which
was composed
while he was suffering from unfortunate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
cannot offer this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is unable to deliver such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
.
Additionally
, a piece of abstract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has no meaning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has great stories to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
when we consider it an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. In the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, beauty matter in and of themselves whereas in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
true measure is whether it works or not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
offer us a
Possible spelling mistake found.
spritual
look of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
while scientist teaches us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an opposite.

Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I argue that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
and should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extents. Enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
promotes the habit of self-reflection. If you walk into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery, attend to a concert or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay to read a book, you almost
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about your inner value. For me, this is an invaluable lesson in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
begin
to reflect about ourselves, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
begin
not to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
become more human,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
consider the lies of other too.
Moreover
, creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can boost us
emotionally
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mozart&
#039; s fans would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to listen to his music pieces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel relieves and motivated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
music can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "control"
controls
our emotions and switch them in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "way"?
ways
.

In conclusion
, there is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology have great value in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "teach"
teaches
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that the former cannot
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay With the development of technology and science some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot Why should we encourage the art area v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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