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some students prefer to study while in univ. However, others prefer to spend time doing social activities what you prefer. why v.1

some students prefer to study while in univ. However, others prefer to spend time doing social activities what you prefer. why v. 1
Technologies have been an inevitable part of this digital world. The argument is aroused if the interpersonal connection is interrupted by technologies like cell phones. I partly agree with this statement that advanced technology disturbs the face-to-face communication, whereas, it enhances the bond between people who are far from each other. It is undeniable that face-to-face communication could be disrupted by modern technologies since they can be a sort of disturbance. During the conversation, for instance, the speakers’ and listeners’ mindset can be simply distracted by unstoppable notifications on the screen and pulled out of the conversation. Furthermore, some phone addicts like to check their smart phones from time to time otherwise they are suffering from the anxiety. The interaction can be influenced and disrupted by those factors. Owing to this, the face-to-face conversation is much less efficient and less effective than it is expected. Nevertheless, I believe that advanced technologies prompt the social interaction in some degree. Since the smart phone was introduced to the public, people have gained a significant number of opportunities and approaches to interact with others regardless of distance. People enable to make new friends through the applications on the phone while family members enable to chat with their loved ones freely even any member is aboard. This is how the technology brings individuals closer and closer consistently. In conclusion, although the mobiles are disturbances of face-to-face communications, I have to argue that advanced technology provides human new opportunities towards social interaction to boost the interpersonal relationship.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technologies
have been an inevitable part of this digital world. The argument
is aroused
if the interpersonal connection
is interrupted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
like cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
disturbs the face-to-face communication, whereas, it enhances the bond between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are far from each other.

It is undeniable that face-to-face communication could
be disrupted
by modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
since they can be a sort of disturbance. During the conversation,
for instance
, the speakers’ and listeners’ mindset can be
simply
distracted by unstoppable notifications on the screen and pulled out of the conversation.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
addicts like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
from time to time
otherwise
they are suffering from the anxiety. The interaction can
be influenced
and disrupted by those factors. Owing to this, the face-to-face conversation is much less efficient and less effective than it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

Nevertheless
, I believe that advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
prompt the social interaction in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree. Since the smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
was introduced
to the public,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have gained a significant number of opportunities and approaches to interact with others regardless of distance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
enable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends through the applications on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while family members enable to chat with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones
freely
even any member is aboard. This is how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings individuals closer and closer
consistently
.

In conclusion
, although the mobiles are disturbances of face-to-face communications, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
argue that advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provides human new opportunities towards social interaction to boost the interpersonal relationship.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some students prefer to study while in univ. However, others prefer to spend time doing social activities what you prefer. why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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