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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v.389

Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 389
Some people are of the notion that men and women are not equal and for that matter, they shouldn't be offered the same job opportunities. Others, however, oppose such view. In my opinion, women and men are not on the same wavelength and as such they shouldn't be granted the same work opportunities like men for various reasons which this essay will throw more light on. To begin, women are exceptionally good at so many things and seems to fill in very well wherever they find themselves and as a result of that they tend to deliver effectively at their various professions. But to give them the same professional, chances like their Male counterparts in the same field will be catastrophic to their well being. Take mine, for instance, women cannot function in this field because it requires an enormous physical strength and power. Women who find themselves in this area of work acquire serious health problems in life. Some develop issues with infertility due to the vibration of the equipment and machines they use on the site. Machines like drilling, excavators and bulldozers produces great amount of vibration. In addition to the aforementioned reason above, most women leave gaps that usually needed to be filled temporarily at various work places due to maternity leave. This puts a magnificent amount of pressure on organisations and companies. For example, a female surgeon who is on maternity leave will eventually leave a huge hole in her post and thus puts pressure on the hospital to seek a replacement for the short term. Many women more often than not experience familiar health issues associated with women and because of this they sometimes absent themselves from work and this affects job performance and productivity. To conclude, yes, we live in an equality era where the emphasis on both sexes are without partiality, but I strongly believe that certain professions are not suitable for women and such should be left alone for their male counterparts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the notion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not equal and for that matter, they shouldn't
be offered
the same job opportunities. Others,
however
, oppose such view. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are not on the same wavelength and as such they shouldn't
be granted
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
opportunities like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
for various reasons which this essay will throw more light on.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
exceptionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things and seems to fill in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well wherever they find themselves and
as a result
of that they tend to deliver
effectively
at their various professions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to give them the same professional, chances like their Male counterparts in the same field will be catastrophic to their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. Take mine,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot function in this field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it requires an enormous physical strength and power.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
who find themselves in this area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
acquire serious health problems in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
develop issues with infertility due to the vibration of the equipment and machines they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
on the site. Machines like drilling, excavators and bulldozers produces great amount of vibration.

In addition
to the aforementioned reason above, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
gaps that
usually
needed to
be filled
temporarily
at various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places due to maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
. This puts a magnificent amount of pressure on
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, a female surgeon who is on maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
a huge hole in her post and
thus
puts pressure on the hospital to seek a replacement for the short term.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not experience familiar health issues associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
because of this
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
absent themselves from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and this affects job performance and productivity.

To conclude
, yes, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an equality era where the emphasis on both sexes are without partiality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
believe that certain professions are not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and such should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone for their male counterparts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 389

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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