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Nowadays online shopping is so poupular Discuss the impact on environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it v.1

Nowadays online shopping is so poupular Discuss the impact on environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it v. 1
Parents play a vital role in the life of their children. Some people believe that it is the responsibility of the mother and father to decide what is good and what is bad for their kids. Whereas, some believe that the parents should give their children freedom to make decisions. I am going to discuss both sides of the argument and will give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. On one side, it is important as a parent to teach their young ones how to make decisions regarding their lifestyle and future careers as it is an important life skill for successful life. Moreover, when we allow them to make their own choices, children will learn to take responsibilities as well. But this should be done to a certain extent. For instance, if we are letting our children to make small decisions since they are in the early stages of their childhood, as a result, this will help them to develop skills like conflict resolution later in their life and they will deal with challenges easily. On the other hand, if we gave children full freedom and let them make decisions without keeping an eye on them, they will become stubborn and will make even those kind of choices which are not even beneficial for them. To exemplify this, if children have independence to watch television whenever they want, in that situation they will not going to focus on their studies, they will just going to spend all their time watching television. Consequently, they will perform poorly in the class or might not have a better future. So it is the duty of the mother and father to set the limits over everything. To sum up, I personally believe that parents have to give their kids some extent of freedom, so that they can learn for their better future. But, we cannot give them full independence, which they might use in a wrong way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
play a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is the responsibility of the mother and father to decide what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for their kids.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. I am going to discuss both sides of the argument and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.

On one side, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to teach their young ones how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
regarding their lifestyle and future careers as it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn to take responsibilities
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this should
be done
to a certain extent.
For instance
, if we are letting our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
since they are in the early stages of their childhood,
as a result
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like conflict resolution later in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they will deal with challenges
easily
.

On the other hand
, if we gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
full freedom and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
without keeping an eye on them, they will become stubborn and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
even
Did you mean "this kind" or "those kinds"?
those kind
of choices which are not even beneficial for them. To exemplify this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have independence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television whenever they want, in that situation they will not
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
going
to focus on their studies, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
going to spend all their time watching television.
Consequently
, they will perform
poorly
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or might not have a better future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is the duty of the mother and father to set the limits over everything.

To sum up, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent of freedom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can learn for their better future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, we cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them full independence, which they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays online shopping is so poupular Discuss the impact on environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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