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Some students prefer to attend a school that provides education for womenonly or men only. Other students prefer to attend a co-educational school for bothwomen and men. Which environment do you think is better and why? Use specificreasons and examples to v.1

Some students prefer to attend a school that provides education for womenonly or men only. Other students prefer to attend a co-educational school for bothwomen and men. Which environment do you think is better and why? Use specificreasons and examples to v. 1
There are many young married couples, who are consciously making the choice to remain Childfree. This essay will first suggest that career development is the primary benefit to the couples, while missing out on the happiness of parenting is the main drawback. Young male and females are now-a-days more job oriented and passionate to work, they want to dedicate most of their time, working towards achieving their future goals and aspirations and decide not to have children. This is because raising a child is a huge responsibility, as people rightly say - “it takes a village to raise a child”. In order to foster better care to their children, mostly female employees quit their jobs after having a baby or parents often fore sake promotions to be able to spend more time in childcare and raising them effectively. To quote an instance, The Australian Bureau of Statistics, have recently published a report showing a prominent increase of 21-25% in the performance of baby free employee compared to only 6-7% performance growth in the parents with children. Despite career progression, young men and women are deprived of having a baby. This sacrifice will, eventually, make them feel alone and empty, when they grow older. Furthermore, being isolated triggers stress and depression at young and they seek medical attention. To illustrate, as per the latest report revealed by WHO, 39% of young people were found to be depressed at an age of 30-35, they admitted to health condition is due to not having kids around them. In conclusion, although choosing to be childless will bring high employable advancement in the young couples’ life, nevertheless, they should also keep in mind that they are sacrificing their happiness, which will make their life meaningless during their old age.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Make sure that the adjective 'young' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'married'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
young married
couples, who are
consciously
making the choice to remain
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childfree
. This essay will
first
suggest that career development is the primary benefit to the couples, while missing out on the happiness of parenting is the main drawback.

Young male and females are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days more job oriented and passionate to work, they want to dedicate most of their time, working towards achieving their future goals and aspirations and decide not to have children. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
raising a child is a huge responsibility, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rightly
say
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
“it takes a village to raise a child”. In order to foster better care to their children,
mostly
female employees quit their jobs after having a baby or parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fore sake promotions to be able to spend more time in childcare and raising them
effectively
. To quote an instance, The Australian Bureau of Statistics, have recently published a report showing a prominent increase of 21-25% in the performance of baby free employee compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6-7% performance growth in the parents with children.

Despite career progression,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
are deprived
of having a baby. This sacrifice will,
eventually
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel alone and empty, when they grow older.
Furthermore
,
being isolated
triggers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
young and
they seek medical attention. To illustrate, as per the latest report revealed by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, 39% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were found
to
be depressed
at an age of 30-35, they admitted to health condition is due to not having kids around them.

In conclusion
, although choosing to be childless will bring high employable advancement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
couples’ life,
nevertheless
, they should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that they are sacrificing their happiness, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life meaningless during their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to attend a school that provides education for womenonly or men only. Other students prefer to attend a co-educational school for bothwomen and men. Which environment do you think is better and why? Use specificreasons and examples to v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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