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25. Some people think that it is better to travel as part of a tour group when theyare visiting foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans sothat they can independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? v.1

25. Some people think that it is better to travel as part of a tour group when theyare visiting foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans sothat they can independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? v. 1
It is often argued that students who do not take the gap between studies are at a disadvantage compared to students who take a gap in the middle of high school and university studies. However, I believe it is more beneficial for students to take a break in their studies to have a better decision in choosing the streams. In this essay, I will propose logical possible illustrations for the same. first of all, when students complete their schooling, they are immature and naive. As they are young and have no life experience, many times they take wrong decisions and end up jobless. For example, In a research it was found that candidates having gaps in between their studies, they are more likely to have an occupation. Having a few years of work practice definitely helps to prosper. Secondly, they can retain information better and can use their practical knowledge to do well in the exams. As they become older, the mind gets developed and they have a better memory, for instance, in a study it was found that students having breaks in their carrier have better remembering thus can work more effectively. However, sometimes, people do not believe this, in such cases young students have to work harder in order to cope up with the others. To conclude, some students prefer having a gap and others feel it is unnecessary, but, there are surely many advantages of having a break. Students become more mature and have a better understanding than their young counterparts. I totally agree that student should opt to work and then can get back to studies later on in life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are at a disadvantage compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
in the middle of high school and university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
However
, I believe it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take a break in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
decision in choosing the streams.

In this essay, I will propose logical possible illustrations for the same.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
complete their schooling, they are immature and naive. As they are young and have no life experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times they take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up jobless.
For example
, In a research it
was found
that candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaps
in between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, they are more likely to have an occupation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
a few years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
practice definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to prosper.

Secondly
, they can retain information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their practical knowledge to do well in the exams. As they become older, the mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
developed and
they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
memory,
for instance
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
it
was found
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
breaks in their carrier have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
remembering
thus
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
effectively
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not believe this, in such cases young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder in order to cope up with the others.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
feel it is unnecessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, there are
surely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a break.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
become more mature and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understanding than their young counterparts. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and then can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
later on in life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 25. Some people think that it is better to travel as part of a tour group when theyare visiting foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans sothat they can independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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