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some students choose to enter the university immediately after high school; however others prefer to take time before beginning the university class. Which one is better? v.3

some students choose to enter the university immediately after high school; however others prefer to take time before beginning the university class. Which one is better? v. 3
The question states that some students choose to enter the university immediately after high school; however others prefer to take time before beginning the university class. Which one is a rational choice? Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this issue, however in my perspective; the advantages that the fast start of the university can bring us will outweigh. My arguments and reasons are listed below which will strengthen my vantage point: To begin with, it is axiomatic that the world is being changed every day and for keeping up with it, definitely people need to be in a hurry. When students have acceleration for commencing the university, the chance of getting different and useful information will be increased in them. Needless to say such students will be several steps further than others who have made decision to do miscellaneous things for resting before the beginning the study in the university. An undeniable fact here is that these students as soon as graduation, will be able to enter to market jobs without any wasting time. The second reason why I advocate a haste toward the university lies the fact that taking time requires students to waste money. It goes without saying that if students prefer to stay at home at least one year, they will tend to travel or participate in diverse classes; hence their saving will be spent. While one should not forget that the attendance in the university later requires much money for buying books or textbooks, the costs of living in the dormitory and like these. Nobody could overlook this fact that the university can provide some part-time jobs for students; consequently youth can save their money for rainy days and also an independent personality will be burgeoned in them. Furthermore, there is a bit of different point here. Since students will meet numerous people in the university; subsequently they can optimize interpersonal skills and make new friends for themselves. It is obvious that doing entertainments, traveling, studying and eating with a bunch of new people with different backgrounds and interests can be more exciting. By taking all above mentioned arguments, this conclusion could be drawn that admittedly going to the university as soon as finishing high school can throw students to the society and form their personality faster.
The question states that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
immediately after high school;
however
others prefer to take time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
beginning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Which one is a rational choice? Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this issue,
however
in my perspective; the advantages that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can bring us will outweigh. My arguments and reasons
are listed
below which will strengthen my vantage point:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is axiomatic that the world is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
every day and for keeping up with it, definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to be in a hurry. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have acceleration for commencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, the chance of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and useful information will
be increased
in them. Needless to say such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be several steps
further
than others who have made decision to do miscellaneous things for resting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the beginning the study in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. An undeniable fact here is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as graduation, will be able to enter to market jobs without any wasting time.

The second reason why I advocate a haste toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
lies the fact that taking time requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to waste money. It goes without saying that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to stay at home at least one year, they will tend to travel or participate in diverse classes;
hence
their saving will
be spent
. While one should not forget that the attendance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
later requires much money for buying books or textbooks, the costs of living in the dormitory and like these. Nobody could overlook this fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
;
consequently
youth can save their money for rainy days and
also
an independent personality will
be burgeoned
in them.

Furthermore
, there is a bit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point here. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
;
subsequently
they can optimize interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends for themselves. It is obvious that doing entertainments, traveling, studying and eating with a bunch of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and interests can be more exciting.

By taking all above mentioned arguments, this conclusion could
be drawn
that
admittedly
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as finishing high school can throw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to the society and form their personality faster.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay some students choose to enter the university immediately after high school; however others prefer to take time before beginning the university class. Which one is better? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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