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Some students attend college full-time, while others attend college part-time. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v.1

Some students attend college full-time, while others attend college part-time. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1
An increasing number of tourists are travelling to places with harsh weather conditions. This is an enriching experience for tourists as it allows them to experience different weathers and increases their knowledge about other places. However, it has its drawbacks as well. On the one hand, going to countries that have extreme climates can be advantageous to tourists. Firstly, many people decide to go to such places because they are bored with the weather in their own countries. Experiencing scorching or freezing weathers can be an adventure and is a rewarding experience. For instance, people who live in cold countries like Sweden might be interested in spending a few days at the Sahara Desert. Secondly, it broadens their horizons by allowing them to know what it is like to live in such extreme conditions. This can lead to understanding other people who live in these climates and realize the hardships that they go through. On the other hand, foreigners are also faced with some disadvantages when they are exposed to severe weathers. Some might not tolerate these conditions and can get ill when they live there for the first time. This can be exemplified by people coming from cold countries who cannot stand the sizzling sun in deserts causing them to have severe burns and draught. Another problem is it can be difficult for their bodies to adjust to the weather when they go back to their countries. In other words, staying in a drastically different climate for a prolonged time can lead to consequences as they might get sick when they travel back to their home countries. In conclusion, although visiting countries with extreme weather conditions is beneficial to tourists, it can also harm them as they can get sick when they travel to or from those places.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
conditions. This is an enriching experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weathers
and increases their knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
However
, it has its drawbacks
as well
.

On the one hand, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have extreme climates can be advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to go to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are bored
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Experiencing scorching or freezing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weathers
can be an adventure and is a rewarding experience.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Sweden might
be interested
in spending a few days at the Sahara Desert.
Secondly
, it broadens their horizons by allowing them to know what it is like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in such extreme conditions. This can lead to understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in these climates and realize the hardships that they go through.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, foreigners are
also
faced with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages when they
are exposed
to severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weathers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might not tolerate these conditions and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
there for the
first
time. This can
be exemplified
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who cannot stand the sizzling sun in deserts causing them to have severe burns and
Possible spelling mistake. 'draught' is British English.
draught
. Another problem is it can be difficult for their bodies to adjust to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
when they go back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, staying in a
drastically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
climate for a prolonged time can lead to consequences as they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick when they travel back to their home countries.

In conclusion
, although visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
conditions is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, it can
also
harm them as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick when they travel to or from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some students attend college full-time, while others attend college part-time. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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