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It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v. 3
It is a fact that our contemporary living communities have been more complex that those in the past; therefore, some parents prefer homeschooling for their children. Others believe that school education is much important and superior to homeschooling. The essay will discuss both benefits and presents my view that I support the latter. To begin with, homeschooling has become popular in certain region worldwide. Firstly, it provides flexible schedules for children and their parents. This also reduces stress for both due to eliminating peer pressure or busy school schedules. In addition, homeschooling provides an option for students to select their favourite content in terms of their inborn gifts. For example, many famous Chinese athletes had homeschooling experiences because they were able to focus on training lessons. Finally, homeschooling provides safer learning environments for children. They will have less chances to nurture bad habits such as smoking, drinking or doing drugs because  they are supervised by their parents. On the other hand, some parents believe that school education is a better option for their children. Firstly, curricula are systemic and profound because they are composed of experienced educators in terms of children's development stages. Moreover, school environment provides opportunities for students to develop their skills such as interpersonal interaction, communication, cooperation, public speech, etc. Last but not the least, students at school need to learn to obey the rules, to follow their daily agenda, and to organize their personal things. As a result, school education will train students' capacities for their future post-secondary academic education and professional careers in their later lives. In summary, I personally opine school education because it provides systemic learning contents for regular students. Besides, it provides mimic social atmospheres for students to nurture and practice their personal skills.  This will enhance their personal capacities. Although homeschooling is less stressful for students and parents,  it is only suitable for certain students due to the above reasons. Therefore, in the current global societies, the school education are a major trend for ordinary students because of the above reasons.
It is a fact that our contemporary living communities have been more complex that those in the past;
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefer homeschooling for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and superior to homeschooling. The essay will discuss both benefits and presents my view that I support the latter.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, homeschooling has become popular in certain region worldwide.
Firstly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
flexible schedules for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for both due to eliminating peer pressure or busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
schedules.
In addition
, homeschooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
an option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to select their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
 content in terms of their inborn gifts.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Chinese athletes had homeschooling experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were able to focus on training lessons.
Finally
, homeschooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
safer learning environments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They will have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances to nurture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as smoking, drinking or doing drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
they
are supervised
by their parents.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a better option for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, curricula are systemic and profound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are composed
of experienced educators in terms of children's development stages.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as interpersonal interaction, communication, cooperation, public speech, etc. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
need to learn to obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, to follow their daily agenda, and to organize their personal things.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will train students' capacities for their future post-secondary academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and professional careers in their later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In summary, I
personally
opine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
systemic learning contents for regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Besides
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
mimic social atmospheres for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to nurture and practice their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.  This will enhance their personal capacities. Although homeschooling is less stressful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
suitable for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
due to the above reasons.
Therefore
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
global societies, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are a major trend for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the above reasons.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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