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some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with there dangers. v.1

some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with there dangers. v. 1
Despite knowing facts of playing sports could be dangerous, most folks love to enjoy it. This essay will elucidate possible reason for causes for the problem and propose a handful remedial measures. To commerce with reason, first and foremost is that they will get thrill out experience. They like to play risky games and take face to face challenges in daily life rather than its bad consequences of games. Here, games namely riding extreme sports, bungee jumping and rock climbing. For instance, some research shows that past decade those kinds of activity had been raised in contemporary era. Furthermore, to pursuing sports is helping to make money and to shine celebrity in world. When we are performing such an unsafe stunt in either motorcycle race or circus. It gives us huge amount of money as well famous face in the world. Once you got famous and you have been paid to do advertisement, films and reality shows. To illustrate, media showed that sort of life-threatening action has been take by people in public places. In other words, it gets viral and they get famous. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key. Similarly, some suggestion should be implementing such as stringent supervision and those actions presented under professional licensed person. We must follow rules and regulation which is made by local authorities for our safely. When they will play games, they have to follow strict guidance. To put safety boards in parks, schools to spread awareness among people. Moreover, games companies should carry to professional licensed person who give them training, after wards they will give decide whether who can play or not. To conclude, people so such sports for mind refreshing, to earn extra money and get well known. However, such sports should be acting under high precaution and by professional person.
Despite knowing facts of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, most folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to enjoy it. This essay will elucidate possible reason for causes for the problem and propose a handful remedial measures.

To commerce with reason,
first
and foremost is that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
thrill out experience. They like to play risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and take face to face challenges in daily life
rather
than its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Here,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
namely
riding extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, bungee jumping and rock climbing.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that past decade those kinds of activity had
been raised
in contemporary era.
Furthermore
, to pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and to shine celebrity in world. When we are performing such an unsafe stunt in either motorcycle race or circus. It gives us huge amount of money
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
face in the world. Once you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and you have
been paid
to do advertisement, films and reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. To illustrate, media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that sort of life-threatening action has been take by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in public places.
In other words
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
viral and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestion should be implementing such as stringent supervision and those actions presented under professional licensed person. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation which
is made
by local authorities for our
safely
. When they will play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow strict guidance. To put safety boards in parks, schools to spread awareness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should carry to professional licensed person who give them training, after wards they will give decide whether who can play or not.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for mind refreshing, to earn extra money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well known.
However
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be acting under high precaution and by professional person.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with there dangers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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