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Some secondary schools provide students with a general education across a range of subjects whereas others focus on fewer subjects releated to a particular career. Do you think the advantages of a focused education outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some secondary schools provide students with a general education across a range of subjects whereas others focus on fewer subjects releated to a particular career. Do you think the advantages of a focused education outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Giving pupils a wide range of subjects in the secondary level of schools is favoured by many people over concentrating on a few classes related to certain types of career. While there could be found diverse pros, personally, I am convinced that disadvantages fairly outweigh the advantages. To begin with, the major advantage of learning students only certain subjects could be perspective, if their parents and, certainly, children decided the future career. Clearly, if the student found himself as a future lawyer, he would not need the technical classes, such as math and physics, that similarly will help them to concentrate to specific field of knowledge. To give an example, I choose a form, which is specialised in learning various languages, for the reason, that I simply do not need the variety of all subjects, that are tought in my school. On the other hand, there are still a lot of cons of focused education. The main researches had shown by the year 2018, that major part of the youngest part of the population has lost their creativity. Consequently, more attention should be paid to these types of classes, suchlike painting, drama lessons, music. However, due to the focused education most of the little ones simply do not received these important skills, which could be their hidden strong sides. What is more, the process of growing includes a lot of diverse aspects of children' s life, and the whole potential is also regarded. It means, that many kids just lose their interest to one things, and become more engaged in another; meanwhile the focused education will only direct them in one way, like a one way trip, which will continue highlighting, that other subjects do not as important, as already selected. Unfortunately, for instance, a great part of children begins to hate things, that they are usually do, which can means only that they will have worked by the future time in another field. To sum up, there is a possibility to everyone to choose an aimed method of studying, though, to my way of thinking, learning a range of subjects in the secondary school will definitely help to become an individuality with different interests and knowledges.
Giving pupils a wide range of
subjects
in the secondary level of schools is
favoured
by
many
people
over concentrating on a few classes related to certain types of career. While there could
be found
diverse pros,
personally
, I
am convinced
that disadvantages
fairly
outweigh the advantages.

To
begin
with, the major advantage of learning students
only
certain
subjects
could be perspective, if their parents and,
certainly
, children decided the future career.
Clearly
, if the student found himself as a future lawyer, he would not need the technical classes, such as math and physics, that
similarly
will
help
them to concentrate to specific field of knowledge. To give an example, I choose a form, which is
specialised
in learning various languages, for the reason, that I
simply
do not need the variety of all
subjects
, that are
tought
in my school.

On the other hand
, there are
still
a lot of
cons of focused education. The main researches had shown by the year 2018, that major part of the youngest part of the population has lost their creativity.
Consequently
, more attention should
be paid
to these types of classes, suchlike painting, drama lessons, music.
However
, due to the focused education most of the
little
ones
simply
do not received these
important
skills
, which could be their hidden strong sides.

What is more
, the process of growing includes
a lot of
diverse aspects of
children&
#039; s life, and the whole potential is
also
regarded. It means, that
many
kids
just
lose their interest to
one things
, and become more engaged in another; meanwhile the focused education will
only
direct them in one way, like a one way trip, which will continue highlighting, that other
subjects
do not as
important
, as already selected. Unfortunately,
for instance
, a great part of children
begins
to hate things, that they are
usually
do
, which can
means
only
that they will have worked by the future time in another field.

To sum up, there is a possibility to everyone to choose an aimed method of studying, though, to my way of thinking, learning a range of
subjects
in the secondary school will definitely
help
to become an individuality with
different
interests and
knowledges
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some secondary schools provide students with a general education across a range of subjects whereas others focus on fewer subjects releated to a particular career. Do you think the advantages of a focused education outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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