Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries, people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

In many countries, people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
Gaining weight especially in young teenagers is a major anxious matter amongst many countries. Children became fat because of modernization and technology advancement. This essay will discuss the problems of obesity in young people and the responsibilities of the government, society, and parents. It is likely that one of the prominent causes giving rise to this problem is the major change in our lifestyle due to the remarkable advances in technology, which has a considerable impact on our daily life and health. Children could consume many junk foods at any time, which we consume every day made the matters worse. These foods, which are easily available, often contain ingredients that are high in calorie, cholesterol and fat, while lack necessary vitamin, mineral and protein and these factors are taking a toll on our health. In addition, teenagers are playing with their computers rather than playing outside. As a result, teenagers are lacking in exercise and becoming overweight. In my opinion, teachers, parents, and the government as a whole should take this issue as an emergency and take a necessary step. For instance, parents are keeping an eye on their children’s eating habits and make sure to make healthy food while reducing the quality of junk food. The government could limit junk food advertising to discourage children to fail for bad eating habits. In conclusion, although many countries are now falling into similar issues of unhealthy diet we can defeat this issue by following the steps such as the limit of the junk food consumed by children.
Gaining weight
especially
in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is a major anxious matter amongst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
became
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modernization and technology advancement. This essay will discuss the problems of obesity in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the responsibilities of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, society, and parents.

It is likely that one of the prominent causes giving rise to this problem is the major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our lifestyle due to the remarkable advances in technology, which has a considerable impact on our daily life and health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
could consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
at any time, which we consume every day made the matters worse. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which are
easily
available,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
contain ingredients that are high in calorie, cholesterol and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, while lack necessary vitamin, mineral and protein and these factors are taking a toll on our health.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are playing with their computers
rather
than playing outside.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are lacking in exercise and becoming overweight.

In my opinion, teachers, parents, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as a whole should take this issue as an emergency and take a necessary step.
For instance
, parents are keeping an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
eating habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
while reducing the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertising to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to fail for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
falling into similar issues of unhealthy diet we can defeat this issue by following the steps such as the limit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts