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Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. v. 1
According to the perspective of a share of the population is that the ability to help the community is the benefit of being wealthy. I, for one, particularly am, supportive of this opinion. Some people are blessed with a surplus amount of wealth and some others work hard for it. Either way, in both these scenarios, having a lot of money does provide the opportunity to help the society in ways the working class cannot. For example, a middle-class family usually has one person providing for everyone. It is barely sufficient to provide for the needs, let alone being able to donate to a charity. However, a rich person can make huge donations to various charities or trusts without looking back. Secondly, the fortunate few help in creating new jobs by establishing factories and companies. Although some might argue irrevocably that they are just satisfying their greed, there's no denying that it still helps people. For example, I lived in a village where the primary source of income is by farming the lands. Later on, a steel factory was built which resulted in new jobs and also the village developed slowly and steadily. It is an irrefutable fact that the factory helped my people. In conclusion, wealthy people have the opportunity and ability to aid the community on a much larger scale than others, but a willingness to help is an entirely different matter. In the end, it's based on the kindness in their hearts.
According to the perspective of a share of the population is that the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the community is the benefit of being wealthy. I, for one,
particularly
am, supportive of this opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are blessed
with a surplus amount of wealth and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for it. Either way, in both these scenarios, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money does provide the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the society in ways the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
cannot.
For example
, a middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family
usually
has one person providing for everyone. It is
barely
sufficient to provide for the needs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone being able to donate to a charity.
However
, a rich person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge donations to various charities or trusts without looking back.

Secondly
, the fortunate few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in creating new jobs by establishing factories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might argue
irrevocably
that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
satisfying their greed, there's no denying that it
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a village where the primary source of income is by farming the lands. Later on, a steel factory
was built
which resulted in new jobs and
also
the village developed
slowly
and
steadily
. It is an irrefutable fact that the factory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the opportunity and ability to aid the community on a much larger scale than others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a willingness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is an
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
matter. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it's based on the kindness in their hearts.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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