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The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 12
In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue that the present higher education system does not help student to gain an acquired skill set which is needed to become successful in life. A loin’s share of society favors it however the rest go averse it. The following paragraph would shed some light on my view points. I agree to the statement that current education system is not helping much to gain the qualities and skill set required to become successful. To begin with the grading system, intelligence can not be measured with good marks or grades but with the use of brain. For example, Albert Einstein and few other famous and successful personalities had dropped out from their colleges and still were able to achieve a lot in their lives. Furthermore, schooling can provide you degrees and certificates but not the mantra for success, for that everyone has to struggle on his own. To get a better job we definitely need degrees from a reputed colleges or universities. However, to start a business we should have a vision of future which has not been taught anywhere in the education system. Lastly, education system which is in practice in present has been developed and invented years ago. However, the world has drastically changing since then, and no one tried to upgrade the education system. Therefore, I believe the curriculum we are following is outdated and is not of enough to use for present and future generations. For instance, being in IT we have felt that the technologies and languages being used presently in industry is very much different or advanced than what we had been taught in our engineering. To conclude, considering all the points mentioned above a weak education system cannot help to develop a successful career instead the presence of an intellectual mind. Education system does give you a nourishment but not the acquired skill set you required to become successful.
In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue that the present higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
student to gain an acquired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set which
is needed
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life. A loin’s share of society favors it
however
the rest go averse it. The following paragraph would shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on my view points.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is not helping much to gain the qualities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set required to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the grading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, intelligence can not
be measured
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks or grades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of brain.
For example
, Albert Einstein and few other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
personalities had dropped out from their colleges and
still
were able to achieve a lot in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Furthermore
, schooling can provide you degrees and certificates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the mantra for success, for that everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
struggle on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job we definitely need degrees from a reputed
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "college"?
colleges
or universities.
However
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business we should have a vision of future which has not
been taught
anywhere in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
which is in practice in present has
been developed
and invented years ago.
However
, the world has
drastically
changing since then, and no one tried to upgrade the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
Therefore
, I believe the curriculum we are following
is outdated
and is not of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for present and future generations.
For instance
, being in IT we have felt that the technologies and languages being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
presently
in industry is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
or advanced than what we had
been taught
in our engineering.

To conclude
, considering all the points mentioned above a weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
career
instead
the presence of an intellectual mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
does give you a nourishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the acquired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set you required to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 12

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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