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Some say that young and energetic employees are the most valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. What is your opinion on that issue? Which viewpoint do you support? v.4

Some say that young and energetic employees are the most valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. What is your opinion on that issue? Which viewpoint do you support? v. 4
People have different opinion regarding the selection of employees. However, some people think that young employees are more efficient, energetic and goal achiever. On the other hand, majority of views quiet different, they believe that old candidates are more reliable, they have vast knowledge related to organization. In my opinion, I would like to agree with that youngster are multi-talented and they have performed their responsibilities in effective manners. At begin with, there are many aspects who can proof that fresh blood are more determinate to their work, they are performed multitasking work at the same time. I put in to three segments, Firstly, employees are the assets of the organization if they are capable to achieve long term goal and make a successful plan to establish organization portfolio, they are highly recommended to senior post and majority of young candidates are risk taking, they do many courses regarding business management, time management and so on. In addition, young candidates are more qualified they attend many practical training during the studies such as internship, article ship etc. Even, when they start their practical life they have vast knowledge about business industries because their mindset is perfect for trigger new ideas and schemes. Nowadays, market environment has totally dilemma and the reason behind it new technology, advance services, customer dealings etc just because of this things young people are easily maintain good relationship with customer and it is the best way to increase company goal. On the other hand, it is irrefutable that old employees are more reliable to their company they have vast knowledge about company but issue is that they have limited source of information, they does not perform multitasking work just because of poor health issue. Moreover, majority of people are retired after 60, they just fulfill company requirement they have no interest for company targets, achievements and so on. To put in it nutshell, I pen down saying that young employees are more valuable for the company rather than old employees just because of various factors which can improve company evolution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion regarding the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more efficient, energetic and goal achiever.
On the other hand
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
views quiet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, they believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
candidates are more reliable, they have vast knowledge related to organization. In my opinion, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that youngster are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
multi-talented and
they have performed their responsibilities in effective manners.

At
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects who can proof that fresh blood are more determinate to their work, they
are performed
multitasking work at the same time. I put in to three segments,
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are the assets of the organization if they are capable to achieve long term goal and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a successful plan to establish organization portfolio, they are
highly
recommended to senior post and
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
candidates are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
taking, they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses regarding business management, time management and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
candidates are more qualified they attend
Possible agreement error. The noun training seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much practical training", "a good deal of practical training".
many practical training
during the studies such as internship, article ship etc. Even, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their practical life they have vast knowledge about business industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their mindset is perfect for trigger new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and schemes. Nowadays, market environment has
totally
dilemma and the reason behind it new technology, advance services, customer dealings etc
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with customer and it is the best way to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
goal.

On the other hand
, it is irrefutable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more reliable to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
they have vast knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
issue is that they have limited source of information, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "do"
does
not perform multitasking work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor health issue.
Moreover
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are retired
after 60, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fulfill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
requirement they have no interest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
targets, achievements and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To put in it nutshell, I pen down saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more valuable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various factors which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
evolution.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some say that young and energetic employees are the most valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. What is your opinion on that issue? Which viewpoint do you support? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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