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Topic: In some countries, it is illegal if employers reject someone because of his or her age. Do you think this is a negative or positive development? v.2

Topic: In some countries, it is illegal if employers reject someone because of his or her age. Do you think this is a negative or positive development? v. 2
In some developed and democratic countries, there are already laws to criminalize the practice of rejecting job applicants based on their age. Although in some cases, this serves to marginalize and punish those committing discriminatory acts, for the most part, this hurts those professions which age is an essential parameter/metric. There are good reasons why some governments have outlawed ageists in the hiring process. Inequality of employment opportunity is increasingly exacerbated by ageist discrimination. In America, for example, a majority of job applicants have their application rejected simply due to their age. This is unreasonable and unacceptable because employers have not yet either to consider other important factors or to meet the candidate in person to impartially judge their suitability and merits but only ruled them out based on the fact that they are seemingly older than the job description. Such recruiting practice is unfair and is depriving people of the employment opportunity, and in the long term, this also adversely affected those businesses themselves because of their biases and partiality. However, there are many fields that it would be risky and inappropriate for the post to be offered without regarding of applicant’s age. For example, MP or Member of Parliament which is just an extremely important position is now only offered for those of eighteen or above. Due to the extensive knowledge and experience needed to function as a representative of his or her public, those younger are believed to not have sufficient factors to be up for the job. Other professions would be in the entertainment industries which value age and physical appearance over merits such as acting and runway modeling. After all, to ensure viability and prosperity of their business, filmmakers or high-end fashion brands must cater to their customers’ interest, even the lowest taste which favors young and beautiful performers rather than true artistic values. In conclusion, the disadvantages of government’s legal approach against ageists outweigh advantages. In the long run, it causes harm to many areas that candidates' age is necessary to be considered.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developed and democratic countries, there are already laws to criminalize the practice of rejecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applicants based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, this serves to marginalize and punish those committing discriminatory acts,
for the most part
, this hurts those professions which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is an essential parameter/metric.

There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have outlawed ageists in the hiring process. Inequality of employment opportunity is
increasingly
exacerbated by ageist discrimination. In America,
for example
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applicants have their application rejected
simply
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This is unreasonable and unacceptable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
employers have not
yet
either to consider other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the candidate in person to
impartially
judge their suitability and merits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ruled them out based on the fact that they are
seemingly
older than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
description. Such recruiting practice is unfair and is depriving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the employment opportunity, and in the long term, this
also
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
those businesses themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their biases and partiality.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields that it would be risky and inappropriate for the post to
be offered
without regarding of applicant’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
, MP or Member of Parliament which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
position is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offered for those of eighteen or above. Due to the extensive knowledge and experience needed to function as a representative of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
public, those younger
are believed
to not have sufficient factors to be up for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Other professions would be in the entertainment industries which value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and physical appearance over merits such as acting and runway modeling.
After all
, to ensure viability and prosperity of their business, filmmakers or high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
fashion brands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
cater to their customers’ interest, even the lowest taste which favors young and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
performers
rather
than true artistic values.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s legal approach against ageists outweigh advantages. In the long run, it causes harm to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas that
Possible spelling mistake found.
candidates&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is necessary to
be considered
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: In some countries, it is illegal if employers reject someone because of his or her age. Do you think this is a negative or positive development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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