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Some say that young and energetic employees are the most valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. What is your opinion on that issue? Which viewpoint do you support? v.1

Some say that young and energetic employees are the most valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. What is your opinion on that issue? Which viewpoint do you support? v. 1
In some areas of the world, the students who have graduated from high school are being promoted to have a gap year in which they can travel or work. This matter has both advantages and disadvantages for the people. In this essay, this issue will be reviewed by considering advantages and disadvantages. Firstly, one of the vital benefits of it for young individuals is being sure what they want to study as a major. They will be aware of their desires and abilities while they are in a gap year. They will gain more experience in life or in various cultures. They will easily be able to make some good decisions about their future. Moreover, someone who is self-knowledge might be more successful in business. Although it has a large number of advantages, it has some disadvantages as well. One of the most important handicaps is starting a job one year later. If they spend their time exploring life, they will spend a year. It may be harmful to a young individual. For example, when a person goes to another country to enhance his or her foreign language, they will not be able to make money or start the major what they want to be an expert. What is more, they will spend their savings on surviving. To sum up, having a gap year is becoming a trend among young people and it has both advantages and disadvantages. The advantages and disadvantages of this issue have been argued in the writing.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of the world, the students who have graduated from high school are
being promoted
to have a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in which they can travel or work. This matter has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In this essay, this issue will
be reviewed
by considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages.

Firstly
, one of the vital benefits of it for young individuals is being sure what they want to study as a major. They will be aware of their desires and abilities while they are in a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. They will gain more experience in life or in various cultures.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
will
easily
be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decisions about their future.
Moreover
, someone who is self-knowledge might be more successful in business.

Although it has
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
. One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
handicaps is starting a job one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
later. If they spend their time exploring life, they will spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. It may be harmful to a young individual.
For example
, when a person goes to another country to enhance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
foreign language, they will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the major what they want to be an expert.
What is more
, they will spend their savings on surviving.

To sum up, having a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is becoming a trend among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and it has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of this issue have
been argued
in the writing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some say that young and energetic employees are the most valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. What is your opinion on that issue? Which viewpoint do you support? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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