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Now-a-days people care about their appearance more than before. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason with examples. v.1

Now-a-days people care about their appearance more than before. Give reason with examples. v. 1
In today's world, education plays an important role in shaping the life of an individual. Without proper qualifications, it is difficult for any person to secure employment which will safeguard the future of one's family. In fact, it is believed that the higher the level of education, better the chances of getting employment. Thus, in order to find a well paying job, you try to get into best of the universities, register in the best of the courses offered by them and finally fight with all other applicants to ensure that you get selected for the post. This exact situation is what I had experienced during my final year of engineering, when companies came to our college for campus placements. This constant struggle to find better employment, has forced students to score good grades in schools and colleges without actually understanding what is being taught. And when these students go out in the real job market, they are unable to complete even simple tasks due to lack of understanding about the actual problem. Furthermore, such students grow up with neither the skills nor the know-how that can be applied in daily life situations. Due to these reasons, people believe that rather than imparting just textbook knowledge, students need to experience the real problems by exposing them directly to real life tasks under mentors or guides. Such ideas, although really helpful, cannot be implemented under all situations. For example, you won't mind to be served by an inexperienced waiter working under the watchful eyes of the manager, but you would never fly in an aircraft that is flown by a novice even if they are being guided by an experienced pilot. Hence, we need to combine both of these ideas and find a middle way; so that we can minimise or eliminate flaws from either of the methods of imparting education. Such an idea is already being experimented by many colleges worldwide. For example, University of Toronto, CALTECH and Texas University offer a summer internship option for all of their engineering courses, where candidates are exposed to the actual working conditions of their dream companies. Even MIT has developed a program where a student needs to work a certain number of hours on a real job to pass that course. Such programs develop soft skills and personality of a student by making him realise the realities that he might face in real working conditions. While these programs are still not implemented on a large scale, they provide a model that can be copied worldwide to blend in the textbook knowledge with the actual requirements that are necessary for the task. In conclusion, it is better to have the balanced approach of imparting knowledge and experience so that students do better in the workplace.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, education plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in shaping the life of an individual. Without proper qualifications, it is difficult for any person to secure employment which will safeguard the future of one's family. In fact, it
is believed
that the higher the level of education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
the chances of getting employment.

Thus
, in order to find a well paying job, you try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into best of the universities, register in the best of the courses offered by them and
finally
fight with all other applicants to ensure that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
selected for the post. This exact situation is what I had experienced during my final year of engineering, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
came to our college for campus placements.

This constant struggle to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
employment, has forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to score
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in schools and colleges without actually understanding what is
being taught
. And when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go out in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
job market, they are unable to complete even simple tasks due to lack of understanding about the actual problem.
Furthermore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grow up with neither the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
nor the know-how that can
be applied
in daily life situations.

Due to these reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
rather
than imparting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
textbook knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
problems by exposing them
directly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life tasks under mentors or guides. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, although
really
helpful, cannot
be implemented
under all situations.
For example
, you won't mind to
be served
by an inexperienced waiter working under the watchful eyes of the manager,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you would never
fly
in an aircraft that
is flown
by a novice even if they are
being guided
by an experienced pilot.

Hence
, we need to combine both of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and find a middle way;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
or eliminate flaws from either of the methods of imparting education. Such an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is already
being experimented
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
colleges worldwide.
For example
, University of Toronto, CALTECH and Texas University offer a summer internship option for all of their engineering courses, where candidates
are exposed
to the actual working conditions of their dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Even MIT has developed a program where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
needs to work a certain number of hours on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
job to pass that course. Such programs develop soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and personality of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
by making him
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the realities that he might face in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
working conditions.

While these programs are
still
not implemented on a large scale, they provide a model that can
be copied
worldwide to blend in the textbook knowledge with the actual requirements that are necessary for the task.
In conclusion
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to have the balanced approach of imparting knowledge and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in the workplace.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Now-a-days people care about their appearance more than before. Give reason with examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
462 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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