Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 4
In contemporary society, some people think that sports occupy part of an important role in our lives. However, others claim that sports are leisure activities. Personally, I believe that sports bring more certain benefits than thinking they are leisure activities. On the one hand, everyone thinks that sport is something helps people are relaxing and seeing it is leisure activities. First of all, not everyone has the abilities and potentials to become professional sports players. Therefore, they often seek out simple activities and it can help them release stress. For example, some people suffer job pressures, they tend to play sports such as boxing or yoga because they can help people reduce stress. On the other hand, some people say that sports have a vital role in society. One of the main reason is sports help people to become healthier and have a beautiful body. For example, some people are obese, they are workout exercise regularly because sports help them lose weight. Moreover, governments can save money paying on health insurances. Secondly, children now spend more and more time to play computer games, and watching television screen instead of going out. Therefore, their parents need to open plenty of sports and training for them, this helps them are interesting with society. Children can expand their relationship and improve their social interaction with peers To sum up, some people think that sport just is a small part of in their life, and it is leisure activities. However, I believe that sports now are a common and important role in our lives.
In contemporary society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
occupy part of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring more certain benefits than thinking they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
activities.

On the one hand, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are relaxing and seeing it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, not everyone has the abilities and potentials to become professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
seek out simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer job pressures, they tend to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as boxing or yoga
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have a vital role in society. One of the main reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become healthier and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
body.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are obese, they are workout exercise
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them lose weight.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can save money paying on health insurances.
Secondly
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
spend more and more time to play computer games, and watching television screen
instead
of going out.
Therefore
, their parents need to open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and training for them, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them are interesting with society. Children can expand their relationship and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social interaction with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
peers


To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of in their life, and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are a common and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts