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The chart below shows annual sales by value of different types of books at one chain of booksellers from 2000 to 2004. v.1

The chart below shows annual sales by value of different types of books at one chain of booksellers from 2000 to 2004. v. 1
There are split opinions regarding games some believe that taking part in Group games are giving more benefits in players, whereas another group of thinkers sports single player games. However, both views has its own pros and cons. Therefore, before commenting on my decision both the opinions would be discussed. On the face of statement, there are multiple factors to support team games. The foremost reason is that team work because when they play sports as a team they will have to respect each others emotion as well as cover up the weakness of other players with their strength. For example, in football, every sportsman has their own position in the ground according to their ability so it is necessary to play with coordination by players to win the match. Another factor that attracts is that they learn social skills in group activities such as sharing for instance, as a team member, one can share their problems with other members of the team so they will help him to solve the problems. Hence, the sports which are played in team gather people together as a family. On the contrary, the latter view suggests that individual games are better for improving self confidence to illustrate, If they play single-handedly their success depends on theirs Own Hard work also a player is responsible for every move he makes. Moreover, this game helps them to tackle problems by themselves. As a result, single player games like tennis, running and swimming encourages teenagers to develop self esteem as well as problem solving techniques. To summarise and give my opinion, I would say that playing games as a team is most appropriate to play. In a big picture, this would help with team spirit and social skills which are need of today's world.
There
are split
opinions regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that taking part in Group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are giving more benefits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, whereas another group of thinkers sports single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
, both views has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commenting on my decision both the opinions would
be discussed
.

On the face of statement, there are multiple factors to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The foremost reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
sports as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect each
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "others'" or "other's"?
others
emotion
as well
as cover up the weakness of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
with their strength.
For example
, in football, every sportsman has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
position in the ground according to their ability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with coordination by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to win the match. Another factor that attracts is that they learn social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in group activities such as sharing
for instance
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
member, one can share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with other members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Hence
, the sports which
are played
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
gather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together as a family.

On the contrary
, the latter view suggests that individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are better for improving
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
to illustrate, If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
single-
handedly
their success depends on theirs

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
work
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is responsible for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
.
Moreover
, this game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by themselves.
As a result
, single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like tennis, running and swimming encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to develop
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
solving techniques.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
and give my opinion, I would say that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is most appropriate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. In a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
picture, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
spirit and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
are need
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows annual sales by value of different types of books at one chain of booksellers from 2000 to 2004. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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