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Many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. v. 2
Some people are of the opinion that it is imperative to keep the home and workplace tidy with everything organized and well arranged. This is a perspective I strongly agree with. Firstly, an untidy workplace or home creates different hazards which could be injurious to employees at work or children at home. Siting an example of a recent occurrence, there was a water spill around an electrical socket which shocked an employee, another case was at a construction site where the engineer refused to wear personal protective equipment and a log of wood fell hitting the engineer to the ground thereby sustaining injuries to the arm and leg. Secondly, an organized home creates a comfortable environment for relaxation. Everything around looks beautiful and the environment is conducive. People will be willing to visit. If there are kids at home, they are less likely to hit their leg against any object lying around. The third reason why it is important is keep the home and workplace tidy is because there will be no breathing ground for germs, rodents or insects. These germs and rodents carry diseases which can cause different forms of illness such as malaria, typhoid fever, lassa fever that can land an individual in the hospital and it severe cases lead to death. It is therefore important to guide against this by cleaning and disinfecting either the workplace or the home. In conclusion, the relevance of keeping the workplace and home tidy and organized cannot be over-emphasized. It is of enormous benefit to humans and the country as large as it creates a productive nation.
Some
people
are of the opinion that it is imperative to
keep
the home and
workplace
tidy with everything organized and well arranged. This is a perspective I
strongly
agree
with.

Firstly
, an untidy
workplace
or home creates
different
hazards which could be injurious to employees at work or children at home. Siting an example of a recent occurrence, there was a water spill around an electrical socket which shocked an employee, another case was at a construction site where the engineer refused to wear personal protective equipment and a log of wood fell hitting the engineer to the ground thereby sustaining injuries to the arm and leg.

Secondly
, an organized home creates a comfortable environment for relaxation. Everything around looks
beautiful
and the environment is conducive.
People
will be willing to visit. If there are kids at home, they are less likely to hit their leg against any object lying around.

The third reason why it is
important
is
keep
the home and
workplace
tidy is
because
there will be no breathing ground for germs, rodents or insects. These germs and rodents carry diseases which can cause
different
forms of illness such as malaria, typhoid fever,
lassa
fever that can land an individual in the hospital and
it
severe
cases lead to death. It is
therefore
important
to guide against this by cleaning and disinfecting either the
workplace
or the home.

In conclusion
, the relevance of keeping the
workplace
and home tidy and organized cannot be over-emphasized. It is of enormous benefit to humans and the country as large as it creates a productive nation.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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