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Some say that public health is important and there should be more sports facilities. Others say that they have small impact on individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some say that public health is important and there should be more sports facilities. Others say that they have small impact on individual. v. 2
It is irrfutable to say that health and physical games both are equal important to lead a better life. While the argument is that goverenment spend some money on these facilities. Whereas, rest of the masses ponder that it is less important because of numerous reasons, and I believe that both sides are important. Therefore, I will discuss both sides along with my viewpoint in up coming paragraphs. To commence with, health is extremely beneficial as compared to other factors. If government spend a lion share of money on sports, then youngsters will stay fit and healthy, and they can become better citizens in their up coming future. For example, many children are interested in sport therefore, if they will gain chance to show their talent in front of other, then their confidence level will be increased in order to this, they will become successful sport' s person in coming time owing to this platform. Furthermore, these days, people are busy in their hectic schedules so, they need to rejuvenate their mind. Government had better to allocate some investment to improve the sport facilities in every areas. Which is immensely helpful for their lives. On the other side, I deem that there are many sectors, which need to improvement like education. In another words, education has become integral part of youngster' s lives, and there are many childern, who do not have appropriate study related facilities due to poverty. So, chunks of money should be spent by government on this feild. Which is extrmely beneficial for street kids. Apart from this, global warming is increasing with each passing day. Hence, government should spend the bulk of momey on public transport to reduce the level of polluation. However, poor people easily use this transport of mode, and save their money. To sum up, although health and sport' s facilities but I think that other sectors also need to improvements.
It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
irrfutable
to say that health and physical games both are equal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lead a better life.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the argument is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverenment
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money on these facilities. Whereas, rest of the masses ponder that it is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of numerous reasons, and I believe that both sides are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, I will discuss both sides along with my viewpoint in up coming paragraphs.

To commence with, health is
extremely
beneficial as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend a lion share of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, then youngsters will stay fit and healthy, and they can become better citizens in their up coming future.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
therefore
, if they will gain chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, then their confidence level will
be increased
in order to this, they will become successful
Possible spelling mistake found.
sport&
#039; s person in coming time owing to this platform.
Furthermore
, these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy in their hectic schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they need to rejuvenate their mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
had better to allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
investment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "area"?
areas
. Which is
immensely
helpful for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, I deem that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors, which need to improvement like education. In
Did you mean "in other words"?
another words
, education has become integral part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngster&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
childern
, who do not have appropriate study related facilities due to poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, chunks of money should
be spent
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on this
Possible spelling mistake found.
feild
. Which is
Possible spelling mistake found.
extrmely
beneficial for street kids. Apart from this, global warming is increasing with each passing day.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend the bulk of
Possible spelling mistake found.
momey
on public transport to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of
Possible spelling mistake found.
polluation
.
However
, poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this transport of mode, and save their money.

To sum up, although health and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sport&
#039; s facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors
also
need to improvements.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that public health is important and there should be more sports facilities. Others say that they have small impact on individual. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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