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Some say that it is better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to workplace everyday. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of working at home? v.2

Some say that it is better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to workplace everyday. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of working at home? v. 2
Some assert that working at home is better than going to fieldwork. Although there are several benefits for workers work while staying at home such as sparing time and more comfortable desk, I believe that its drawbacks such as feeling bored and being indiscipline can be considered. On the one hand, the proponents of this notion might perceive that no time spent on the way benefits the employees. This is because the workforces are encouraged to save their money and even their time. They would be unable to be fatigued due to traffic congestion and other troubles during the journey to the office. In addition, getting in work at home means that the agents could set their working zone up to themselves. By doing this, a more convenient work area might be coming true. As an illustration, most of my colleagues permitted to work as they are staying at home, arrange their room of working like they want. They put ornaments they love surround their desk, and even they take a meal and play a mobile phone while working which are forbidden to do in office. They cite those things provide such a comfortable zone to work. On the other hand, the opponents of this might insist that working from home leads to a dull circumstance. It is because working at home means working without any friends and traveling. While others perform some duties are accompanied and consoled by many friends, the ones carrying out their assignments at home would felt a tedious condition. Furthermore, another demerit of this issue is getting difficulties to control. They would tend to not focus on the tasks they are conducting due to feel-free working situations. For instance, a recent survey of a company where I work for, illuminated that seven in ten of employees working at home, were late to submit their duties. In conclusion, I believe that this occurrence has negative sides such as easy to be bored and indiscipline attitudes, while its positive sides such as no need to spend time on the way and a convenient work zone can be considered.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home is better than going to fieldwork. Although there are several benefits for workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while staying at home such as sparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and more comfortable desk, I believe that its drawbacks such as feeling bored and being indiscipline can
be considered
.

On the one hand, the proponents of this notion might perceive that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on the way benefits the employees. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
are encouraged
to save their money and even their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They would be unable to
be fatigued
due to traffic congestion and other troubles during the journey to the office.
In addition
, getting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home means that the agents could set their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
zone up to themselves. By doing this, a more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
area might be coming true. As an illustration, most of my colleagues permitted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as they are staying at home, arrange their room of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
like they want. They put ornaments they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
surround their desk, and even they take a meal and play a mobile phone while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
which
are forbidden
to do in office. They cite those things provide such a comfortable zone to work.

On the other hand
, the opponents of this might insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home leads to a dull circumstance. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
without any friends and traveling. While others perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
duties
are accompanied
and consoled by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends, the ones carrying out their assignments at home would
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
felt
a tedious condition.
Furthermore
, another demerit of this issue is getting difficulties to control. They would tend to not focus on the tasks they are conducting due to feel-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
situations.
For instance
, a recent survey of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
where I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for, illuminated that seven in ten of employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home, were late to submit their duties.

In conclusion
, I believe that this occurrence has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides such as easy to
be bored
and indiscipline attitudes, while its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides such as no need to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the way and a convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
zone can
be considered
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that it is better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to workplace everyday. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of working at home? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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