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Some say that children should obey their parents and teachers, while others believe that too much control will not help to prepare children for their adult life. Discuss both sides of the views. v.2

Some say that children should obey their parents and teachers, while others believe that too much control will not help to prepare children for their adult life. v. 2
The relation between parents and children varies from time to time and place to place. But the general trend seems to be that children are less likely to obey blindly. This has caused much uneasiness on the part of parents and teachers. However strict control by adults hinders children’s preparation for the later life. There are advantages and disadvantages of these viewpoints In the adult’s opinion, children have to obey their elders. Raised and taken care by their parents, children should do as they are told to show their gratitude and respect for the elders. This is a tradition in many cultures. Besides, the elders always want the best for their children. No parents would intentionally harm their children and thus there is no point in objecting to their biding. More importantly. Youngsters cannot make informed decisions on their own. Being young and inexperienced, they are prone to indiscretion. On many occasions, they need guidance and advice from their parents and teachers. On the other hand, too much control is detrimental to children’s future development. Sooner or later, children need to make decisions on their own. If they have been taught to obey orders since they could remember, they gradually lose the ability and desire to form their own opinion. Such children would never be given positions with responsibilities because they are accustomed to following rather than giving instructions. Besides, only a totalitarian society will demand total obedience. It is contrary to democratic principles which take account of all people’s opinions and interests. Tyrannical parents are in danger of starting a vicious cycle: when their children become parents themselves, they also become tyrants. In conclusion, it is not easy to get along with one’s parents or children. It is unwise to be overprotective or overindulging. As with most things, moderation seems the best policy. Any high-handed approach is likely to breed another generation of tyrannical parents.
The relation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
varies from time to time and place to place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the general trend seems to be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less likely to obey
blindly
. This has caused much uneasiness on the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
strict control by adults hinders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
preparation for the later life. There are advantages and disadvantages of these
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
viewpoints


In the adult’s opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obey their elders. Raised and taken care by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should do as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their gratitude and respect for the elders. This is a tradition in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures.
Besides
, the elders always want the best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would
intentionally
harm their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
thus
there is no point in objecting to their biding. More
importantly
. Youngsters cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Being young and inexperienced, they are prone to indiscretion. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions, they need guidance and advice from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers.

On the other hand
, too much control is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future development. Sooner or later,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. If they have
been taught
to obey orders since they could remember, they
gradually
lose the ability and desire to form their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
positions with responsibilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are accustomed
to following
rather
than giving instructions.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a totalitarian society will demand total obedience. It is contrary to democratic principles which take account of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinions and interests. Tyrannical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of starting a vicious cycle: when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
themselves, they
also
become tyrants.

In conclusion
, it is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is unwise to be overprotective or overindulging. As with most things, moderation seems the best policy. Any high-handed approach is likely to breed another generation of tyrannical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that children should obey their parents and teachers, while others believe that too much control will not help to prepare children for their adult life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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