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Some say that children should obey their parents and teachers, while others believe that too much control will not help to prepare children for their adult life. Discuss both sides of the views. v.1

Some say that children should obey their parents and teachers, while others believe that too much control will not help to prepare children for their adult life. v. 1
It goes without saying that films have taken a major role in our lives as films are known to describe a totally different world from the audiences’ view. Therefore, people are divided in their opinions regarding the reasons of films being made and widespread to people. Whether the claims of entertainment are the sole purpose of films or educational factors should be involved has sparkled a heated debate. From my perspective, I strongly opine that educating through this format is highly appraised, other matters should also be concerned. To begin with, movies can be both providing audiences with knowledge as well as bringing about the relaxing period. Knowledge, which is sometimes mistaken with educational learning, is in fact documentary or historical events. Therefore, learning by watching movies not only brings the audience back in the past and understand deeply through images and videos but it also carries joy. For example, Spotlight, published in 2019 and won the Oscar award, is combined of both factors. The movie is about the reporters investigating on sex abuse at a local newspaper office. Looking at the main content, it goes without saying that people are now able to see the cases from the reporter’ aspect while the brain is stimulated to forget stress and depression in his lives. On the other hand, other criteria should also be looked into as education is not the only criteria to rate a movie. A film called “Avengers” could be an ideal example here. Without any educational details, the film with very complex stories and particular builds of characters, Avengers was so impressive that it created a whole new record on profits. Nevertheless, making a record does not make a great film because Avengers is only nominated for the best visual effects as well as getting a 7. 0 on IMDB. Nominees for “The best film of the year”, despite lacking of entertaining value, are highly ranked in IMDB and gained more respect from media than others. To put it simply, the educational value is necessary, however, it does not reflect the success of one’s film. Success is due to the purposes of the producers and entertainment is not the sole goal the creators looking for.
It goes without saying that films have taken a major role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as films
are known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
world from the audiences’ view.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are divided
in their opinions regarding the reasons of films
being made
and widespread to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Whether the claims of entertainment are the sole purpose of films or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
factors should
be involved
has sparkled a heated debate. From my perspective, I
strongly
opine that educating through this format is
highly
appraised, other matters should
also
be concerned
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can be both providing audiences with knowledge
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
bringing about the relaxing period. Knowledge, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
mistaken with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
learning, is in fact documentary or historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Therefore
, learning by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings the audience back in the past and understand
deeply
through images and videos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
carries joy.
For example
, Spotlight, published in 2019 and won the Oscar award,
is combined
of both factors. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is about the reporters investigating on sex abuse at a local newspaper office. Looking at the main content, it goes without saying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the cases from the reporter’ aspect while the brain
is stimulated
to forget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, other criteria should
also
be looked
into as education is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criteria to rate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
. A film called “Avengers” could be an ideal example here. Without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the film with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
complex stories and particular builds of characters, Avengers was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
impressive that it created a whole new record on profits.
Nevertheless
, making a record does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great film
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Avengers is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nominated for the best visual effects
as well
as getting a 7. 0 on IMDB. Nominees for “The best film of the year”, despite lacking of entertaining value, are
highly
ranked in IMDB and gained more respect from media than others.

To put it
simply
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
value is necessary,
however
, it does not reflect the success of one’s film. Success is due to the purposes of the producers and entertainment is not the sole goal the creators looking for.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that children should obey their parents and teachers, while others believe that too much control will not help to prepare children for their adult life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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