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Some people think that children should obey rules and listen to their parents and teachers. Others believe less control from teachers and parents will help children deal with adult life better. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that children should obey rules and listen to their parents and teachers. Others believe less control from teachers and parents will help children deal with adult life better. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion. v. 2
People have different views about parents and teacher on children’s education. Although it can be argued that youngster should follow and listen parents’ rules due to various benefits, I believe that children with less control from their parents are better when dealing adult life in the future. On the one hand, obeying parents can certainly help youngster to have a better life when they grow up. Parents and teachers can see beyond the immediate inconvenience of finishing chores, saving money, or completing homework to the ultimate good those responsibilities bring. Thus, to succeed in life, children should learn about boundaries that they could not cross, distinguishing between right and wrong, and taking on responsibilities. The rules and chores are the building materials that make for an independent and successful future. One clear example is my friend, she was more mature than the others when she went to college because she can cook and clean herself easily due to her responsibilities for cooking and cleaning at home. On the other hand, children should be allowed to have more freedom and decision in their life. When parents put tremendous pressure on the children or force them to do things they are unwilling, it could lead to a youthful rebellion against their parents. For example, when children, who have strict control at home, have opportunities away from home, they are much easier to commit crime or drugs to fight against their adults. Moreover, if children do not have chance to make their own decisions, it can certainly lead to the lack of self-confidence in children. When youngsters always follow their guidance, they may come to believe their thoughts and abilities have flaws and they need help to try new things. In conclusion, following parents’ guidance can certainly be helpful for children to have right direction to growing up, but this is by no means that children can not have their own independence and options in their life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teacher on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education. Although it can
be argued
that youngster should follow and listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
due to various benefits, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with less control from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are better when dealing adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future.

On the one hand, obeying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youngster to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when they grow up.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
beyond the immediate inconvenience of finishing chores, saving money, or completing homework to the ultimate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
those responsibilities bring.
Thus
, to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn about boundaries that they could not cross, distinguishing between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and taking on responsibilities. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and chores are the building materials that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for an independent and successful future. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is my friend, she was more mature than the others when she went to college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she can cook and clean herself
easily
due to her responsibilities for cooking and cleaning at home.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have more freedom and decision in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put tremendous pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or force them to do things they are unwilling, it could lead to a youthful rebellion against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who have strict control at home, have opportunities away from home, they are much easier to commit crime or drugs to fight against their adults.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions, it can
certainly
lead to the lack of self-confidence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When youngsters always follow their guidance, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to believe their thoughts and abilities have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
flaws and
they need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to try new things.

In conclusion
, following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
guidance can
certainly
be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have right direction to growing up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is by no means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
independence and options in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should obey rules and listen to their parents and teachers. Others believe less control from teachers and parents will help children deal with adult life better. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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