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Some say that by showing sporting events such as Olympic and world cup in television will encourage old people to do exercise. v.1

Some say that by showing sporting events such as Olympic and world cup in television will encourage old people to do exercise. v. 1
Physical exercise is vital in keeping our body healthy. However, over the past years it was observed that adults are not doing enough exercise. While some say that the best way to inspire them to exercise is by showing spectacular sporting events like the Olympic and world cup on television, I believe that there are better ways to encourage them such as improving exercise facilities and support from family members. There are people who believe that showing spectacular sporting events in the television, such as the Olympics and world cup will encourage older people to exercise. The basis of their argument lies in the fact that adults have the inherent tendency to follow their role models or idols. Sports celebrities such as boxers, tennis players, basketball stars have a great influence on their fans, and by showing them sports events on TV they follow the ways of sports stars. As a result, adults will engage in physical activities such as exercise. For example, in the Philippines, every time Manny Pacquiao has a boxing match, a month after his fight the attendance in boxing gym increases by 30 percent. However, showing sports events on television does not guarantee a perpetual engagement in exercise among adults. I believe that by improving exercise facilities like gyms and sports centre and family support could encourage them. When such facilities are in good condition they will be eager to try and they will not be afraid of accident that may cause by poor condition of exercise equipment. Furthermore, family members have huge influence among adults. By being with them during their exercise, they will be driven by the moral support and thus they will continue and even increase their activity. For instance, my father increased his jogging activity from once a week to twice a week since I joined him in his morning jogging routine. In conclusion, although showing spectacular sport events on television could inspire older people to exercise, I believe that by improving the exercise facilities and sports centre together with the family support, adults will engage more in exercise.
Physical
exercise
is vital in keeping our body healthy.
However
, over the past years it
was observed
that
adults
are not doing
enough
exercise
. While
some
say that the best way to inspire them to
exercise
is by
showing
spectacular sporting
events
like the Olympic and world cup on
television
, I
believe
that there are better ways to encourage them such as improving
exercise
facilities and
support
from
family
members.

There are
people
who
believe
that
showing
spectacular sporting
events
in the
television
, such as the Olympics and world cup will encourage older
people
to
exercise
. The basis of their argument lies in the fact that
adults
have the inherent tendency to follow their role models or idols.
Sports
celebrities such as boxers, tennis players, basketball stars have a great influence on their fans, and by
showing
them
sports
events
on TV they follow the ways of
sports
stars.
As a result
,
adults
will engage in physical activities such as
exercise
.
For example
, in the Philippines, every time
Manny
Pacquiao
has a boxing match, a month after his fight the attendance in boxing gym increases by 30 percent.

However
,
showing
sports
events
on
television
does not guarantee a perpetual engagement in
exercise
among
adults
. I
believe
that by improving
exercise
facilities like gyms and
sports
centre
and
family
support
could encourage them. When such facilities are in
good
condition they will be eager to
try and
they will not be afraid of accident that may cause by poor condition of
exercise
equipment.
Furthermore
,
family
members have huge influence among
adults
. By being with them during their
exercise
, they will
be driven
by the moral
support
and
thus
they will continue and even increase their activity.
For instance
, my father increased his jogging activity from once a week to twice a week since I
joined
him in his morning jogging routine.

In conclusion
, although
showing
spectacular
sport
events
on
television
could inspire older
people
to
exercise
, I
believe
that by improving the
exercise
facilities and
sports
centre
together with the
family
support
,
adults
will engage more in
exercise
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that by showing sporting events such as Olympic and world cup in television will encourage old people to do exercise. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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