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Some people say that having a lot of TV channels is good while others argue that it reduces the quality of programs Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people say that having a lot of TV channels is good while others argue that it reduces the quality of programs 2
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of people who expending much era in their atelier. There is a widespread worry that this will only lead to a myriad of concerns in one's life. However, I do not entirely accept that and I will explain why in this essay. There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant one is that people usually prefer to allocate their time at work. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only can one benefits more when it comes to being effective, but they can also enhance the productivity and quality of their lives with much ease and efficacy. Needless to say, all these merits stand one in good stead as far as augmenting their chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned. Therefore, another pivotal aspect of the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas. Besides, only when following such s system, can they broaden their horizons, thus learning such essential attributes as responsibility and dedication. For instance, my father prefers working rather then spending time with us and he really does hard task only to full-fill our desires. Hence, it is apparent why many are in favour to stay away from their homes and give much second to their trial. In conclusion, moreover people work for their family and it will completely accept to say that expending much generation of industry should not be wrong.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who expending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
era in their atelier. There is a widespread worry that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
lead to a myriad of concerns in one's life.
However
, I do not
entirely
accept that and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

There are a number of arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. The most preponderant one is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
prefer to allocate their time at work. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can one benefits more when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to being effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
enhance the productivity and quality of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and efficacy. Needless to say, all these merits stand one in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead as far as augmenting their chances of prosperity and excellence
is concerned
.

Therefore
, another pivotal aspect of the aforementioned proposition is that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when following such s system, can they broaden their horizons,
thus
learning such essential attributes as responsibility and dedication.
For instance
, my father prefers working
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
spending time with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
he
really
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
task
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to full-fill our desires.
Hence
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
to stay away from their homes and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
second to their trial.

In conclusion
,
moreover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work for their family and it will completely accept to say that expending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
generation of industry should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people say that having a lot of TV channels is good while others argue that it reduces the quality of programs 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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