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Many people think that too much attention and resources are given to protection of wild animals and birds Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Many people think that too much attention and resources are given to protection of wild animals and birds v. 1
According to some people students should be allowed to be a part of the school management team because it will enable them to gain valuable skills. I completely disagree with this statement because pupils are not mature enough to play the crucial role of managing the school activities. Also, they should not be burdened with extra responsibilities. To commence with, one of the obvious reasons for not including students in the management team is that they are at their learning stage and do not have the maturity to handle such roles. Their priorities will always be focused on their own interest rather than the necessity. To illustrate, if the student representatives do not like games, they will not be in the favour of having sports activities in the curriculum. Another reason not to involve students in managerial activities is that their syllabus is already heavy and they cannot waste any time for running the school. They are already occupied with studying their core subjects and sparing time for these tasks may have an adverse impact on their studies. Furthermore, school years are not the perfect time for students to learn the management skills when they do not even know the difference between good and evil. Therefore, gaining academic knowledge should be their prime objective in school rather than becoming a part of the management. To conclude, the argument that students should take part in school management activities does not hold water because pupils at this age cannot do justice to this role. Also, these extra responsibilities may affect their studies.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will enable them to gain valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pupils are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to play the crucial role of managing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Also
, they should not
be burdened
with extra responsibilities.

To commence with, one of the obvious reasons for not including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
team is that they are at their learning stage and do not have the maturity to handle such roles. Their priorities will always
be focused
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest
rather
than the necessity. To illustrate, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
representatives do not like games, they will not be in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of having sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the curriculum. Another reason not to involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is that their syllabus is already
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
heavy and
they cannot waste any time for running the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They are already occupied with studying their core subjects and sparing time for these tasks may have an adverse impact on their studies.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years are not the perfect time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when they do not even know the difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and evil.
Therefore
, gaining academic knowledge should be their prime objective in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than becoming a part of the management.

To conclude
, the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
does not hold water
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pupils at this age cannot do justice to this role.
Also
, these extra responsibilities may affect their studies.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that too much attention and resources are given to protection of wild animals and birds v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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