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Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents and therefore advertising to children should be banned Do you agree or disagree with the statement Give your own opinion v.3

Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents and therefore advertising to children should be banned Give your own opinion v. 3
There are number of commercials that can be seen in television and one of these are junkfood and trendy toys. Parents and children are one of the most affected in this situation. I strongly agree with this statement that advertising direct to children should be restrict on television. To begin with, there are several drawbacks by seeing advertisement of toys and snacks mostly kids. Firstly, kids they could not distinguish what is good or bad. Once they seen on television the latest candies, snack or chocolates they want to buy it and tell to their mom. Proper diet is one of the most important to know first and it can be teach by their parents. The habit of healthy diet will be damage by any kind of snacks, chips and fast food that can be seen in ads. Parents of their children should observed them and give them advice what are the benefits of eating right food like vegetables and fruits. Secondly, toys commercial nothing to do good to the young televiewers. Apparently, the results they will become materialistic. It is not healthy for them may be due to laziness, less interact in outside activities and behavioral impact. This is of course solely the effect of toy commercial. In conclusion, advertisements of toys and snacks it should be banned. Parents guide their children on what they seen in television and teach them the proper diet and do not spoiled by buying any toys or unhealthy food. Tv commercial it gives negative impacts to young children.
There are number of commercials that can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seen
in television and one of these are
Possible spelling mistake found.
junkfood
and trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are one of the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in this situation. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that advertising direct to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Consider using the past participle "restricted"?
restrict
on television.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several drawbacks by seeing
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
mostly
kids.
Firstly
, kids they could not distinguish what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Once they
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "saw"?
seen
on television the latest candies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snack
or chocolates they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
to their mom. Proper diet is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know
first
and it can be
Consider using the past participle "taught"?
teach
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The habit of healthy diet will be damage by any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
, chips and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food that can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seen
in ads.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "observe"
observed
them and give them advice what are the benefits of eating right food like vegetables and fruits.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
commercial nothing to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to the young
Possible spelling mistake found.
televiewers
.
Apparently
, the results they will become materialistic. It is not healthy for them may be due to laziness, less interact in outside activities and behavioral impact. This is
of course
solely
the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
commercial.

In conclusion
, advertisements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
it should
be banned
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on what they
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "saw"?
seen
in television and teach them the proper diet and do not spoiled by buying any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
or unhealthy food.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
commercial it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents and therefore advertising to children should be banned Give your own opinion v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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