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Each year, the crime rate increases. What do you think are the causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.4

Each year, the crime rate increases. What do you think are the causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 4
A generation ago, people never used to lock their doors before going to sleep. The crime rate used to be zero to minimal. However, there is an increasing trend in the crime rate each year as per a survey. In this essay, I will intend to explore the issues for an increase in the crime rate and propose corresponding solutions as well. A wide range of factors contributes to the fact that it causes a higher crime rate. In the first place, people in our society have high anticipation and ambition in their lives, they dream of being rich and multimillionaire. But some people try to achieve their goals through hard work and sincerity, unfortunately, while others tend to lean on shortcuts and quick-money path. Let's take Jordan D'Lorean for example, he was a general manager for GM in the 1980s and he had a dream of building his own car company. During this path, he has done many illegal activities like drug trafficking, weapons to raise money as an investment for his company. This is a clear indication that sometimes even our dreams can mislead to criminal activities. Secondly, the government failed to teach people how to save their hard-earned money. Most of the people up to the middle class have no or fewer savings in their bank account, and on top of it, they have debts to be paid off to the bank. Finally, the reason why there is an increasing trend in criminal activity is the fact that most of the jobs in the current market need a highly skilled profession. For instance, last week more than 3000 employees have been lay offed without proper compensation. Did the government or the company ever think about how these people would survive? At some point, these people would fight hard to get a new job, while rest, there is a high probability they could indulge in criminal activities for surviving. Fortunately, based on the above reasonings, comprehensive solutions have been identified. First, people need to set their ambitions at a responsible level. In other words, split their long term vision into corresponding intervals of short term vision. By this people would feel satisfied with their achievement and would feel content. Second, the government needs to educate people on how to budget their financials each year, but this many could be saved from bankruptcy. Let's take Norway as a perfect example, the government has introduced a financial budget course for high school student, I assume this could be one way people would learn on financials. Finally, we need to limit ourselves from using robotic machines as this leads to more unemployment. In conclusion, although many people think that the crime rate is a standalone problem but there are many reasons why a person commits a crime. In my view, it is a combination of government and people respond to tackle this issue and they should begin by considering some of the solutions proposed above.
A generation ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to lock their doors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to sleep. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be zero to minimal.
However
, there is an increasing trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
each year as per a survey. In this essay, I will intend to explore the issues for an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and propose corresponding solutions
as well
.

A wide range of factors contributes to the fact that it causes a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our society have high anticipation and ambition in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they dream of being rich and multimillionaire.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to achieve their goals through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and sincerity, unfortunately, while others tend to lean on shortcuts and quick-money path.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take Jordan D'
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lorean
for example
, he was a general manager for GM in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
1980s and
he had a dream of building his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. During this path, he has done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like drug trafficking, weapons to raise money as an investment for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
indication that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even our dreams can mislead to criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
failed to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
up to the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
have
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
or fewer savings in their bank account, and on top of it, they have debts to
be paid
off to the bank.
Finally
, the reason why there is an increasing trend in criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is the fact that most of the jobs in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a
highly
skilled profession.
For instance
, last week more than 3000 employees have been lay offed without proper compensation. Did the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would survive? At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would fight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a new job, while rest, there is a high probability they could indulge in criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for surviving.

Fortunately
, based on the above
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonings
, comprehensive solutions have
been identified
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to set their ambitions at a responsible level.
In other words
, split their long term vision into corresponding intervals of short term vision. By this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would feel satisfied with their achievement and would feel content. Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on how to budget their financials each year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
could
be saved
from bankruptcy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take Norway as a perfect example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has introduced a financial budget course for high school student, I assume this could be one way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would learn on financials.
Finally
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to limit ourselves from using robotic machines as this leads to more unemployment.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is a standalone problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why a person commits a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In my view, it is a combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respond to tackle this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
issue and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by considering
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions proposed above.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What do you think are the causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
494 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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