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Some people would borrow money to buy things they need. Others would save up money until they can afford it. Which would you do and why? v.1

Some people would borrow money to buy things they need. Others would save up money until they can afford it. Which would you do and why? v. 1
It is argued that studying from teachers and professors in educational institutions is better than learning online, for instance, using websites and computer. It is agreed that students learn lessons much better from their teachers than from the Internet. This essay will discuss firstly, the face to face tutorial is more effective and secondly, finding a reliable source can present a problem; followed by a reasoned conclusion. In this day and age, the Internet is ubiquitous and everything is available online at the touch of a button including study materials and classroom notes. This over-reliance of people on the web is deemed to have a detrimental effect on an individual as well as the society. Furthermore, students lack interest in schools and colleges because they are more inclined towards the learning resources available on the World Wide Web. Studying in class is more constructive as pupils are free to ask questions about any topic, if they fail to understand it. For instance, if a student gets stuck at any point in a particular problem and does not understand it while studying online, there will be no one to help him. Hence, students should think wisely before missing classes and relying solely on the net. Another point to consider is that, looking for an accurate information on the net is a laborious task. For example, there is a glut of references available related to the subject on the web such as YouTube and Wikipedia, some of them contain irrelevant and false content. Whereas, the instructors in the classes are well trained and have a considerable amount of knowledge about the specific subject they are teaching. Moreover, the teachers in the classrooms have different teaching strategies and methods to solve a particular question. Therefore, parents should motivate their children to focus more in schools as teachers are the best trainers who can adapt themselves according to their student’s needs. In conclusion, despite of a myriad of learning sources provided by the modern technology, nothing can be compared to the teachings of a class teacher. It is recommended that guardians at home should keep a check on their offspring and inspire them to be punctual in schools and colleges.
It
is argued
that studying from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and professors in educational institutions is better than learning online,
for instance
, using websites and computer. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn lessons much better from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
than from the Internet. This essay will discuss
firstly
, the face to face tutorial is more effective and
secondly
, finding a reliable source can present a problem; followed by a reasoned conclusion.

In this day and age, the Internet is ubiquitous and everything is available online at the touch of a button including study materials and classroom notes. This over-reliance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the web
is deemed
to have a detrimental effect on an individual
as well
as the society.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lack interest in schools and colleges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more inclined towards the learning resources available on the World Wide Web. Studying in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is more constructive as pupils are free to ask questions about any topic, if they fail to understand it.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
stuck at any point in a particular problem and does not understand it while studying online, there will be no one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
missing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and relying
solely
on the net.

Another point to consider is that, looking for
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'an' is probably wrong.
an accurate information
on the net is a laborious task.
For example
, there is a glut of references available related to the subject on the web such as YouTube and Wikipedia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them contain irrelevant and false content. Whereas, the instructors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
and have a considerable amount of knowledge about the specific subject they are teaching.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in the classrooms have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
teaching strategies and methods to solve a particular question.
Therefore
, parents should motivate their children to focus more in schools as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the best trainers who can adapt themselves according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
needs.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
a myriad of learning sources provided by the modern technology, nothing can
be compared
to the teachings of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. It
is recommended
that guardians at home should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on their offspring and inspire them to be punctual in schools and colleges.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people would borrow money to buy things they need. Others would save up money until they can afford it. Which would you do and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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