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Some people think that International students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some people think that International students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Some people believe that it is profitable for teenage school students to be exchanged at an International level. In this essay I am going to discuss about advantages and disadvantages of such movement. On one hand, exchanging students at an International level does have many advantages. Firstly, in terms of career, teenager gets into competation with wide range of talented candidates from different nations which challenges them to be more productive. Additionally, a student can get opportunity to work in the country of his choice in the future. For example, many international companies and institutes prefer a person with experience in more than one country. In terms of personal growth, an adolescent learns to be more social and independent at a very young age which certainly helps him to make right decisions in life when he encounters a tough situation. On other hand, students exchange among the countries, certainly has several and devastating disadvantages. The most devastating among the disadvantages are suffering from psychological illness and drug addiction. A student in different country gets in touch with their family only occasionally. Teenage is definitely needs to be nurtured appropriately by parents or guardians as this the phase of life where a child is transforming into adult. If the person is eluded of that tender care, it might lead to psychological issues like depression, anxiety many other which can further lead to drug addiction. For instance, studies show that children devoid of the care from parents or guardians tend to top among the psychologically disordered patients and drug addicts. In conclusion, there are many advantages to exposing students during their teenages to multiple countries as it boosts their career and personality. In spite of such benefits, I believe disadvantages outweigh the advantages since there is high possibility of a student getting psychologically imapaired and also falling into drug addiction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is profitable for teenage school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
be exchanged
at an International level. In this essay I am going to discuss about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of such movement.

On one hand, exchanging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at an International level does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
Firstly
, in terms of career,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
into
Possible spelling mistake found.
competation
with wide range of talented candidates from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations which challenges them to be more productive.
Additionally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of his choice in the future.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and institutes prefer a person with experience in more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In terms of personal growth, an adolescent learns to be more social and independent at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age which
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
right decisions in life when he encounters a tough situation.

On other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
exchange among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
certainly
has several and devastating disadvantages. The most devastating among the disadvantages are suffering from psychological illness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
in touch with their family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occasionally
. Teenage is definitely needs to
be nurtured
appropriately
by parents or guardians as this the phase of life where a child is transforming into adult. If the person
is eluded
of that tender care, it might lead to psychological issues like depression, anxiety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other which can
further
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction.
For instance
, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that children devoid of the care from parents or guardians tend to top among the
psychologically
disordered patients and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicts.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to exposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
during their
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenages
to multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as it boosts their career and personality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
such benefits, I believe disadvantages outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
since there is high possibility of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
getting
psychologically
Possible spelling mistake found.
imapaired
and
also
falling into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that International students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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