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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 2
Teenager age is considered to be the most crucial stage because at this age if proper guidance is not provided to the child, then he might be trapped in some antisocial activities. A plethora of people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and some folks considered to them the best people to talk to the teenagers, about the dangers of committing a crime. In this essay, I partially agree with this statement and discuss my views. In the modern world, where everyone wants to lead a luxurious life, some folks, especially teenagers indulged themselves in a crime to satisfy their needs and requirement and at this stage, they needed the proper guidance from the intellectual persons who make them familiar about the good and evil deeds although parents are considered to be the best tutor of their kids because they know how to inculcate the best values in them. From the recent survey, it has been observed that kids who get proper time and guidance from their families are less prone to indulge in some crime. On the other hand, a plethora of people, who have been in jail, become good citizens later, make the teenagers aware of the dangers of committing an anti social activities with their experiences, although it is also helpful for the kids to some extent as it gives them real life experience, which definitely works with them. To conclude, Teenagers are the most crucial stage in one's life so it is the duty of family members to make them familiar with the right and wrong folds of life but if they get real time experience of someone else it also works a lot.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenager
age
is considered
to be the most crucial stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at this age if proper guidance is not provided to the child, then he might
be trapped
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
antisocial activities. A plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been in prison become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens later, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks considered to them the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to talk to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of committing a crime. In this essay, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and discuss my views.

In the modern world, where everyone wants to lead a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
indulged themselves in a crime to satisfy their needs and requirement and at this stage, they needed the proper guidance from the intellectual persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them familiar about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and evil deeds although parents
are considered
to be the best tutor of their kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know how to inculcate the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
best
values in them. From the recent survey, it has
been observed
that kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper time and guidance from their families are less prone to indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crime.

On the other hand
, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been in jail, become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens later,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of committing an
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti social
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "activity"?
activities
with their experiences, although it is
also
helpful for the kids to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent as it gives them real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience, which definitely works with them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
are the most crucial stage in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is the duty of family members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them familiar with the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
folds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
real time experience of someone else it
also
works a lot.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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